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(satire?)
Credit where credit’s due.
Before the last election, David Cameron said he would lead the greenest government ever.
Well he’s been true to his word!
Here are 6 facts that prove the Tories are leading the greenest government ever:
1) The Chancellor is Green.
Before the UK’s entire economy was put in his hands, George Osborne’s only previous job was as a towel folder in Selfridge’s. You can’t get much greener than that!
2) The Party Chairman is Green
Tory Party chairman Grant Shapps did some of his dodgy business deals under the pseudonym Michael Green. Shapps is Green!
3) Tory Party Donors are Green
Well one of the main ones is anyway. Philip Green – owner of Top Shop, Burton’s and BHS – has been one of the Tory Party’s biggest donors. And he manages to do it without even paying any taxes. Now that’s the kind of Green politics Tory party activists can get behind!
4) The Tory’s Coalition Partners are Green
Since they’ve been in government, the Liberal Democrats have produced enough hot air and gas on green matters to power the country for decades while at the same reducing their productive output on everything to a sustainable level of round about zero. How green is that!
5) The Tory Party Logo is Green
I have to admit I’ve never quite understood why the Tories chose a green elephant shitting out blue poo for their logo, but I’m told elephant poo is really very good for the garden. So that’s definitely green.
6) David Cameron is the Greenest Prime Minister Ever
His production of bullshit is entirely sustainable and he produces copious amounts of it. And bullshit – like elephant shit – is completely natural and ecological. So shut up already about this government not being green.
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THIS IS TRULY THE GREENEST GOVERNMENT EVER!
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Please feel free to comment.
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Related articles by Tom Pride:
Revealed – the new Conservative Party logo for the 2015 election
Met Office warns record-breaking hot air from Lib Dems to continue
More People Believe In The Loch Ness Monster Than In Osborne’s Ability To Run Economy
Did you know the name Gideon is Hebrew for ‘Destroyer’. Really.
David Cameron is Jesus. Probably.
Coalition split after Tory minister says UK ‘peppered’ with too many wind-powered Lib Dem MPs
Cameron tells unemployed – “Stop whinging and get daddy to find you a job!”
Who would you prefer as PM? Wallace or Flashman?
David Cameron’s Advanced Driving Tips
Confirmation – Cameron to play Buzz Lightyear in Tory Story 4
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Please feel free to comment – you don’t need to register and I’m extremely minimal with the moderating – so please go ahead.
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Ben said:
and when you’re ball bagging the corporate cock of America…what’s the colour of money…?
GREEN…!
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Bob Hughes said:
So, there we have it. The Tories are green. Cameron has been quoted in the media as saying he wants to get rid of all this green crap. Bring on the day when he’s good for his word and disappears up his own arse along with the rest of the party. Oh sorry, I was forgetting, the Tory’s word is not worth quoting is it? They’ll just have it deleted and say it never happened.
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syzygysue said:
Brilliant 🙂
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gogwit said:
Reblogged this on Gogwit's Blog and commented:
Also… the mouldy, rotten remains of the monetarist experiment which were dug up to replenish the Tories are green – glow in the dark, putrid green.
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stewilko said:
Reblogged this on stewilko's Blog.
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