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(satire?)

London Mayor Boris Johnson has announced he is to paint his arse blue in an effort to reduce the amount of cyclists who are being killed on London’s roads.

The move comes not long after several studies revealed that changing the colour of the Mayor’s backside will have about just as much affect on the safety of cyclists using London’s roads as painting blue lines on them.

The announcement is part of Mr Johnson’s long-term drive to improve congestion in the capital by removing the large numbers of dead cyclists who are at present littering London’s major highways and junctions as well as preventing cyclists who insist on throwing themselves under the wheels of heavy goods vehicles and buses from slowing down traffic.

Boris Johnson’s adviser Andrew Gilligan, the journalist who became the London mayor’s cycling commissioner in January, said in an interview yesterday he did not want the high possibility of cyclists having their bodies mangled and their heads squashed under the wheels of large vehicles in the capital to discourage people from using bicycles on London’s roads and that being dead should not put people off cycling.

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