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(it’s not satire – it’s UK ‘intelligence’ today)

The heads of MI5, MI6 and GCHQ are being questioned by MPs for the second day in the House of Commons today.

Judging by the weak questioning they received from MPs yesterday, don’t expect the head spooks to break into too much of a sweat though.

Here are 5 questions which might produce a bead or two of perspiration if they were to be asked:

1) Until the late 1980s, the BBC used MI5 to vet its staff, including its reporters, newsreaders and presenters.

That means you were either so incompetent that you didn’t notice top BBC presenter Jimmy Savile was a paedophile or you noticed it and decided to cover it up.

So my question to you is this.

Which are you – incompetent or corrupt?

2) Jimmy Savile was a friend of Margaret Thatcher and other top cabinet ministers. He regularly stayed at number 10 with the Prime Minister.

You were either so incompetent that you didn’t vet someone in such close proximity to the PM, or you vetted him and didn’t notice he was a paedophile – or you noticed he was a paedophile and decided to cover it up.

So which is it – incompetence or corruption?

3) Jimmy Savile was a friend of Prince Charles and other senior members of the Royal Family. He also regularly visited and socialised with British Royalty.

Therefore, you were either so incompetent that you didn’t vet someone in such close proximity to the Monarch, or you vetted him and didn’t notice he was a paedophile, or you noticed he was a paedophile and decided to cover it up anyway.

So which are you – incompetent or corrupt?

4) Special Branch have said that a file they compiled which was full of paedophile allegations against Cyril Smith was taken by MI5 agents in the 1970s and has never been seen since.

What happened? Are you just so incompetent you lost the file or so corrupt you deliberately destroyed it?

5) You claim you are all worth the 2 billion a year the British taxpayer forks out for your ‘intelligence’. But surely if you can’t detect dodgy paedophiles openly operating at the heart of the British establishment – how can you hope to be able to uncover much more hidden threats to national security from terrorists or foreign agents?

Or is it just that when you say you are protecting the nation, you don’t consider threats to British children from high-ranking establishment paedophiles important enough to warrant your consideration?

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Related articles:

MI5 vetted Savile. And decided paedophilia was nothing to worry about?

Was Cyril Smith allowed to get off scot-free as part of a possible Con-Lib coalition deal?

Savile wasn’t ‘hiding in plain sight’. It was a cover-up.

Jimmy Savile, West Yorkshire Police and the Friday Morning Club

Was it MI6 – not the Blair government – that drove Dr David Kelly to suicide?

Child abuse scandal can of worms – just who is Daily Mail reporter David Rose?

High level child abuse cover-up? Why has Theresa May barred a US journalist from the UK?

Cock-up, cover-up or conspiracy in the North Wales child abuse scandal? You decide.

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