Tags

, ,

(satire?)

In order to avoid bias against the defendants, the judge in the Brooks/Coulson trial has set strict criteria for potential jurors to be selected as one of the final twelve members of the jury.

Here are the ten criteria in full:

1) Potential jurors should have absolutely no prior knowledge of the Sun newspaper or have any opinion at all about said publication.

2) Potential jurors should have absolutely no prior knowledge of Rupert Murdoch or have any opinion at all about said person.

3) Potential jurors should have absolutely no prior knowledge of David Cameron or have any opinion at all about said Prime Minister.

4) Potential jurors should not be from Liverpool.

5) Potential jurors should not be related to anyone from Liverpool.

6) Potential jurors should not be acquainted with anyone from Liverpool.

7)  Potential jurors should never have heard of Liverpool.

8) Potential jurors should have absolutely no prior knowledge of the ninety-six men, women and children who died as a result of police incompetence at Hillsborough and who were then disgustingly smeared for 24 years by the publication the defendants worked for – or have an opinion about said disgusting behaviour.

9) Potential jurors should have absolutely no prior knowledge of a bunch of overpaid tabloid vultures hacking into a murdered little girl’s phone just to beat their equally ethically destitute rivals to a story – or have an opinion about said behaviour.

10) Potential jurors should have absolutely no prior knowledge of the moral turpitude of a bunch of twats being prepared to sell their own grandmothers in order to claw their way up one more rung of the corporate ladder that leads to the top of the Godless, rat-infested moral wasteland that is News International  – or have an opinion about said behaviour.

.

I’m sure it won’t be too hard to find twelve people in the UK who fulfil those criteria. 

.

Please feel free to comment.