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(satire?)

Here is the official statement from former Conservative party chief whip Andrew Mitchell concerning the latest revelations of police dishonesty during the so-called ‘plebgate’ affair:

Two months ago after being down the boozer all day, I was going home, when as I got down to Downing-gate, the Old Bill gone an’ stitched me up good and proper.

They was well keen to dip me in the river, you know what I’m saying?

If them rozzers think they can stitch up old lags like me with a crooked slum and ‘ave me doing bird without so much as an ‘ow’s yer father, them bitches better fink again.

It’s a fackin’ liberty, innit?

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