Police in Manchester are investigating a plague of dangerous right-wing animals who have descended on the town after a gang started selling cheap dog whistles for as little as ten-a-penny.

Residents of the city are complaining about the disruption caused to their lives by the packs of scavenging political animals, who are thought to have been attracted to the town by a gang of conmen who have been offering the cheap dog whistles since Sunday.

The gang – who police say travelled from the Chipping Norton area of south-east England yesterday – are trying to sell the dog whistles to people for as little as ten-a-penny but instead they are proving irresistible only to some of the most dangerous breeds of political animals and bitches in the country.

According to official statistics, last year there were about 200,000 cases of humans attacked by stray Tories; 80,000 of them serious enough to involve the police or requiring hospitalization.

This means that in the UK – you are much more likely to get bitten by a Tory than be mugged.


Related articles by Tom Pride:

Scientific study reveals up to 95% of Tory DNA is Neanderthal

AK 47s and swastika flags. The face of today’s Conservative Party?

Tory Ornithology – interesting facts about the Common Loon

14 quotes that prove the nasty party is still just as nasty as ever

One little word so powerful it lost the Tories the last election (and probably the next)

Class warfare comes to the Tory Party

Toffs more likely to cheat, defect and be traitors (so Cameron’s in trouble)


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