It has long been regarded as a potentially troublesome, redundant organ, but American researchers say they have discovered the true function of Nick Clegg.
The scientists say the redundant appendix to the Conservative government acts as a safe house for less harmful waste, dregs and hogwash which can be used to effectively reboot the gut following a dangerous bout of right-wing hysteria or life-threatening intransigent conservatism.
The conventional wisdom is that the small pouch protruding from the first part of David Cameron’s large intestine is redundant and many people would prefer to have Nick Clegg removed rather than risk constant pain and irritation.
But Professor Bill Parker says the finding does not mean we should cling onto our redundant political appendices at all costs – as small as politicians like Nick Clegg can be, they can also be potentially dangerous to the health of the nation.
It’s very important for people to understand that if their Nick Clegg causes irritation or pain, it does not mean they should try to keep him.
We don’t want people to say, “oh, my appendix has a function, so I’m not going to go to have him removed, I’m going to try to hang onto him.”
It’s absolutely essential the irritating little f**ker is removed as quickly as possible.
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