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It has long been regarded as a potentially troublesome, redundant organ, but American researchers say they have discovered the true function of Nick Clegg.

The scientists say the redundant appendix to the Conservative government acts as a safe house for less harmful waste, dregs and hogwash which can be used to effectively reboot the gut following a dangerous bout of right-wing hysteria or life-threatening intransigent conservatism.

The conventional wisdom is that the small pouch protruding from the first part of David Cameron’s large intestine is redundant and many people would prefer to have Nick Clegg removed rather than risk constant pain and irritation.

But Professor Bill Parker says the finding does not mean we should cling onto our redundant political appendices at all costs – as small as politicians like Nick Clegg can be, they can also be potentially dangerous to the health of the nation.

It’s very important for people to understand that if their Nick Clegg causes irritation or pain, it does not mean they should try to keep him.

We don’t want people to say, “oh, my appendix has a function, so I’m not going to go to have him removed, I’m going to try to hang onto him.”

It’s absolutely essential the irritating little f**ker is removed as quickly as possible.


Related articles by Tom Pride:

Nick Clegg Sells Principles To Debenhams

Nick Clegg pledges clampdown on harassment of hot Lib Dem peers by women

Who remembers what Nick Clegg said about the UK/US special relationship just before the last election?

FSA – tests reveal Nick Clegg may contain up to 100% chicken

Met Office warns record-breaking hot air from Lib Dems to continue

Scientists Succeed in Growing Balls on Liberal Democrats in Laboratory

All Lib Dem MPs in England and Wales to be microchipped by 2015

Coalition split after Tory minister says UK ‘peppered’ with too many wind-powered Lib Dem MPs

Nick Clegg to Lib Dems – “Prepare for Oppositionment!”


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