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(satire?)
Jamie Oliver’s right!
Why are poor families feeding their children junk food when they have perfectly good TVs and other electrical equipment they can give them to eat instead?
As Jamie has rightly pointed out, if all the components are used carefully, one giant TV screen could feed an entire family of four for a week, especially if it is supplemented with other household equipment such as irons, kettles and toasters.
Jamie has been campaigning for years to show how electrical equipment is full of all sorts of nutritious things essential for growing children – such as iron, phosphorus and zinc – and if the goods are cooked along with their power cables they will also provide all the essential fibres your family needs.
And while junk food has been found to contain all sorts of unhealthy additives, electrical goods are guaranteed free of things such as monosodium glutamates, salt and sugar as well as having zero levels of fat.
There has not been one case of a television set or any other electrical household goods containing traces of illegal horse meat.
So if you’re poor and are struggling to feed your family – take Jamie’s advice.
EAT YOUR TELLY!
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Related articles by Tom Pride:
SERCO wins bid to run UK as Victorian theme park
Jamie Oliver on UKIP – anything so full of nuts has got to be good
Don’t tell the Lords – but I REALLY wouldn’t eat that food if I were you!
Firm paid £73m to find work for unemployed has exactly one apprenticeship vacancy for the whole UK
Comet Store Failure – Vince Cable pledges to clamp down on people not buying enough tellies
Benefits to be limited to first two royal children in bid to cut bloated welfare bill
Public displays of poverty and disability to be banned
Did you know the government is subsidising McDonald’s with taxpayers money – your money?
The government has finally done something so outrageous even I can’t be bothered to satirise it
Department of Work & Pensions – Death No Reason Not To Be Classified As ‘Fit For Work’
SUN EXCLUSIVE – HARDSHIP handouts for unemployed WASTED on food, kids and staying alive!
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can we send Oliver to Syria as our ‘main man’???
there’s a foul regime resident in the UK of which Oliver is part – can we ask the world to help free us from the tyranny too????
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I reckon this is all part of Jamie’s campaign to be selected as a potential Tory MP.
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erm… what if the tv was bought *before* the family had to worry about financial obligations? you know, when the parents were both working and could afford to buy a tv? it it because it’s a modern tv that we’re all to assume it was bought new? what if it was 2nd hand and paid for weekly? what if another well-to-do member of the family, say, a brother or sister, had upgraded their tv and let their sibling have their old tv?
It’s just a crazy notion, I know, but I thought I’d put it out there seeing as how there are a billion odd people jumping to conclusions before putting their brain to work before opening their mouth.
But you’re also right, five amp plugs are a bugger to sauteé. I have pans so does that mean I have food?
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when i first saw him on the tng elly i thought he should be tortured and killed and nothing has persauded me to change that opinion.
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“A giant tv can feed a family of 4 for a week”. A small tv can feed a family of five for a lifetime if their surnames are Oliver.
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licence payers money can feed olver fro an even longer time and has done.
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correction ‘ a family of six’ I must keep up with celebrity gossip.
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nuggy that was my point but thanks for reiterating it.
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One of the keys has just fallen off my decrepit laptop, I tried to put it back on but unfortunately it is broken. Rather than throw it away and me not having had anything to eat for a couple of days, I just wondered what it would taste like, so like some young child I put it in my mouth and started to chew. I had forgotten about all my teeth being loose, ( actually I have five teeth left in my skull ) not sure if that is down to the endless list of different medications I have to take, or the fact I can’t get to a Dentist, or even find a Dentist for that matter. I have taken the last six teeth out myself, I’m beginning to look like the American cartoon version of a Brit. Anyway back to the cuisine, the key reminded me of a tin of Aldi baked beans, completely void of any taste, no matter what additives you add you just can’t get any taste out of them, I had to live off Aldi crap for six years while I paid off massive rent arrears, that the DHSS left me with when they stopped my sick pay. I won my appeal and got my sick pay back dated but not my rent. It doesn’t take long to build up £1300 arrears, but paying it off at £5 a week takes a long time. Oh and before anyone criticises me for having a laptop, TV, stereo, DVD player recorder ( that was given to me by a wealthy friend who had four) or even my 15 year old car, I worked for 35 years before I became disabled, I worked for one or two small luxuries, also 90% of the stuff in my damp ridden 2 bedroom flat, that I have to pay bedroom tax for, even though sometimes my grandchildren stay the weekend or school holidays to help me out, is second hand mostly given to me when the people with money take pity and need somewhere to dump their crap. Apart from a new orthopaedic bed I got from a Littlewoods catalogue I once had, got a deal off them buy now pay later. Before I would sell, cook and eat, give away anything I worked for, I would invite that mouthful of tongue to come round to my damp flat, and tell me to my face I was lazy, feckless, or stupid for the way I live, I would cut his fucking tongue out and feed it to the stray dogs round here. I apologize for swearing but these pampered, self righteous, unthinking brainless twats really get up my nose. A day of real work would probably kill the fucker.
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Described in the “The Independent” as a “poverty tourist”…. pretty much sums up the level of social commentary in this X-factor generation
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the way viods blog got trolled over this is unbelievable.
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I’ve heard rumours, down the pub, that some unknown splinter group has unleashed the Chemical Brothers on an unsuspecting British elite …..
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shouldn’t that be regurgitating it! :o)
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I didn’t know what you were talking about until I saw this:
Best to give reference?
Thanks for your posts anyway, thoroughly enjoy being informed by your non-satire section 🙂
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i cant believe some of comments on there from his supporters there not really doing him any good.
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Well JV is often over the top. Saying Oliver should be shot is a bit extreme. JO’s just a cock – not deserving of execution. Probably.
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but i cant she why Jamie olvers fan club were so bothered by a rant from a blogger.
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i mean he must be used to being called a cunt by now.
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how about a good marinating followed by slow cooking having been sprinkled, liberally, with coriander, thyme and oregano?
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We are now in serious problem I ate the TV myself the wife is furious, so I bought another for the kids to eat, she said it did not fit the cooker.
I was once in hospital and the sister came around asking everyone what political party did they back and I said Labour, she said do you mind if the minister for the NHS spoke to you and I said fine.
Big group of people all in expensive suits walked in the sister asked them to come over to my bed, they said, we are here to find out about the food, has Mr Oliver’s menu been any good, I said the problem is no matter what we get by the time it comes to us on this ward it’s cold. The sister said we do have a microwave here, but we cannot warm up meat or fish, so we have to serve it as it comes and it’s cold, this chap in a dark suit pulled the sister away and you could see the red fuming look on his face as the sister was sent away.
The minister stated well I had my food now it was hot and tasty it was a really good meal. and I have no complaints, and they left to the rapture of clapping from the rest of the ward with calls of we will vote Tory.
Afterward the sister came back in she was fuming, and she said you know what this hospital did and we all said no, well she said they actually hired a chef from London, bought a brand new trolley to keep the food hot, and they paid £20,000 for the chef and two young ladies to serve the food to them in a room which they redecorated yesterday.
I said why the hell did you not tell us we would have said something and they said we were told if anyone said anything they would be sacked.
Says a lot about New labour.
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Long live the hairy bikers.
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Tom he has been shot in and around Italy plenty.
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Reblogged this on HUMAN RIGHTS & POLITICAL JOURNAL and commented:
Nice one Tom
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Many people on low incomes cannot afford to attend the theatre opera ballet ect the only way of affording any entertainment or accessing culture is through TV.please do not resent the poor enjoying a good TV. Turn your attention to heaps of wealth locked away in vast estates and the super rich who evade paying their fair share of tax. Do not forget that all wealth is dependent on Labour without which there would be no company’s and thus no stock exchange even the much maligned unemployed are essential in a capitalist system to keep wage labour low a which enables Mr Oliver to amass his fortune.
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