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(satire?)

There was shock and anger yesterday after government figures revealed a shocking 100% of asylum seekers are not from Britain – with official statistics showing that the vast majority of people coming to the UK seeking asylum are foreign and do not even possess a British passport.

Daily Mail reporters have uncovered a raft of shocking statistics, which reveal the extent of the decline the UK has seen in recent years.

Some other shameful figures revealed by Daily Mail reporters include:

  • Benefits claimants are now significantly more likely than non-benefits claimants to claim benefits
  • The vast majority of people who claim to be unemployed in the UK do not have a job
  • Children of single parents are much more likely than children living with both parents to be brought up in a one-parent family
  • Terminally ill patients in the NHS are now routinely expected to die of their illnesses
  • Nearly all people who claim to be from countries outside the UK are foreign
  • Under the previous Labour administration as many as 100% of cancer patients were expected to suffer from a cancer-related illness

The shocking statistics come after an interview by the Foreign Secretary, William Hague, in which he said the gas attack which killed hundreds of civilians in a suburb of the Syrian capital Damascus was most likely the work of “foreigners – probably dark-skinned ones” and that the chance of the perpetrators being members of the Conservative Party were “vanishingly small”.

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Related articles by Tom Pride:

Daily Mail Apologises To Its Readers After Admitting Publishing Something True

Diet High In Red Tops Increases Risk of Heart Attacks

Daily Mail gets British immigration test wrong

Oops! The Daily Mail accidentally supports a fascist party. Again.

US Warning To Mayans Over Threats Of World Destruction

West Mulls Military Strikes Against IKEA

Gordon Brown To Blame For Crisis in Depp, Paradis Relationship

Tories promise tough new laws to deport Justin Bieber

Daily Mail ‘fixer’ David Rose defends paedophilia accused and attacks child abuse victims. Again.

An APOLOGY to The Daily Mail from TOM PRIDE

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