Tags
class, Coalition, health, housing, human rights, poverty, unemployment
(satire?)
In the face of fierce competition from Virgin, G4S and Disney, British outsourcing company Serco has won a multi-million pound contract to run the UK as a Victorian-themed fun park.
The coalition government announced that Serco, in partnership with other private outsourcing companies, had won the four-year contract to operate the country as a theme park where tourists from all over the world will be able to experience first-hand people with disabilities begging for food on street corners and pregnant women queuing for hours in front of authentic looking soup kitchens.
In what is being called a British corporate success story, Serco was selected to deliver the contract which will include an ambitious 2-year plan to develop large areas of overcrowded housing in major urban areas, numerous slums to be built on existing green belt land and the introduction of visible poverty on an industrial scale across most parts of England, Wales and Scotland.
The contract – under which tourists will be able to watch authentic paupers working in authentically dangerous conditions for meagre rations of gruel, dry bread and unclean water in factories, work houses or Tescos – is also expected to include a provision for the re-introduction into the British education system of traditional Victorian diseases such as cholera, scurvy and typhoid.
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A4e Claims Success In Getting Taxpayers Money Off Benefits & Into Its Own Pockets
Did you know the government is subsidising McDonald’s with taxpayers money – your money?
The government has finally done something so outrageous even I can’t be bothered to satirise it
Struggling to find words to describe this government? Here’s a list to help you.
Tory minister – no shortage of jobs for disabled toddlers
Department of Work & Pensions – Death No Reason Not To Be Classified As ‘Fit For Work’
Government Responds To Banking Crisis By Cutting Benefits For Disabled Kids
Government – Light-Touch Regulation Of The Disabled To Blame For Economic Crisis
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Pride's Purge 
Tom did you miss this? “GO HOME OR WE WILL ARREST YOU” govt campaign against illegal immigrants..even UKIP condemned it…
and it gets more absurd Govt will wipe away small crimes if you are able to get a job..!!!
http://metro.co.uk/2013/07/23/go-home-or-face-arrest-home-office-van-campaign-targets-illegal-immigrants-3895637/
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Pingback: SERCO wins bid to run UK as Victorian theme park « Alternative News Network
here it is Tom
Minor crimes ‘wiped’ off record for job applicants
http://metro.co.uk/2013/03/26/minor-crimes-wiped-off-record-for-job-applicants-3561579/
and its NOT satire either !!
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Reblogged this on nearlydead.
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‘ere mate..consider your self at ‘ome, consider your self one of the family…
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“is also expected to include a provision for the re-introduction into the British education system of traditional Victorian diseases such as cholera, scurvy and typhoid.” rickets comes as an extra as its considered a luxury item..
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At first I thought it was written with tongue in cheek, but, even though I had to laugh, unfortunately it really could happen, which is quite scary. I really cannot take anything this government does seriously. When will we all wake up from this nightmare?
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@donkey was that comment in reply to the ‘illegal immigrants’ post or just part of Tom satire about victorian values..?
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@alex casale just set your alarm clock for ”NOW’..
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It’s not all bad news for the runners-up though.
Tesco and G4S will join Eddie Stobart as they seek to reproduce the victorian court system as well.
The plans are for defence lawyers to be reduced to a mere formality and a form of court-dressing as the bringing of defendants to actually appear in a court is replaced by police officers simply saying “what they reckon” and G4S-trained judges nodding sagely before sending them off to a place of lawful execution.
Sadly for Theresa May and Chris Grayling, who are championing the scheme, “so-called human rights” will prevent actual execution and so G4S and Serco will put defendants into their private prisons so as to maximise the amount of value for money taxpayers can enjoy.
[Sadly, this is not parody. Please look up “Save UK Justice” and see what a mess the MoJ is making of a system that was once the envy of the world.
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chewie
on olivers twists theme park…
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@DONKEY OK but its also ironic as it seems to fit the illegal immigrant post, too..sort of..
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chewie
yeah it is not possible to discuss the govt that was not elected without paradox and irony…all part of the cognitive dissonance theory and extra effort paradox theory of being in 2 places at once..a bit like godwin and some bleedin’ cat
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@donkey you mean the the laser beam slit screen photon thing? is light a wave or a particle yes they are both..or the one where you are on work program and expected to jobsearch at same time.??.
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chewie..it’s the whole system where one is cold, starving, homeless and they send one on a laughter is the best medicine course, say cheer up, could be worse..at the same time blowing latte froth into ones face..or hows the cancer treatment for you..
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@DONKEY or “hows the cancer treatment for you”.. did i not just post that on the void?or am i in coincidence city again..
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chewie
i pay attention sometimes…
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@donkey we all pay for everything in some form or another
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Pingback: SERCO wins bid to run UK as Victorian theme par...
TOM again its not satire…
MI5 recruiting health and safety manager
http://metro.co.uk/2013/07/29/mi5-recruiting-health-and-safety-manager-3903691/
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Ah, good ole Victorian values brought back to us by the ConDems.
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Funny you should mention family, my 2 sets of grandparents, were they alive, would recognise Tom’s description of their day to day life. Their accounts of living in poverty at the end of the 19th century are still very much part of our family’s memories. My parents less so, but God, they still struggled as kids in in the early 1900s. We were more fortunate, my brother and I, but our grandchildren? I shudder to think what their world will be like.
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Serco and G4s will be charging people to see those they have caged like some kind of victorian freak show next.
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It will only work as an authentic Victorian theme park if they reintroduce flogging and hanging; with this lot I guess that’s always a possibility.
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Never thought I’d be glad my dad, & grandpa are gone – They’d be Horrified to know they fought for this!
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That is if the people do not rise up first and bring back the guillotine from France.
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do all the populace of this tory heaven have cockney accents?
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Excruciatingly true.What is coming down the line ‘Detroit – Styling’.
Wouldn’t have mentioned Virgin as bidding though, they are the one group out there actually doing so much on the ground to help people.
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Bad cockney accents – like Dick Van Dyke’s in Mary Poppins.
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Just a matter of time probably.
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Pingback: Serco: the company that is running Britain – John Harris |
http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2012/sep/09/jeremy-hunt-virgin-hospital-deal?INTCMP=SRCH
(On Jeremy Hunt lobbying to help Virgin take part in the rape of the NHS. This is just one example of looking at Virgin for what they are as opposed to what their marketing tells you to think.)
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Our NHS will collapse anyway when the economy finally
bankrupts , so maybe having Virgin on board wouldn’t be
such a disaster .Their committment to good service could
tell NHS a thing or two.
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@rod coombes and you realy believe that dont you? when even a judge ruled that virgin were incapable of meeting the strict targets on child care plus the fact that they had no prior experience in that field..
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” up their is a playce ov enchaaantment”…even dick van dyke said he was miscast..
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rod coombes do you work for virgin?–it sounds like you are doig their PR.. badly..
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well some good news at last !!
Jeremy Hunt’s Lewisham hospital cuts plan quashed at High Court
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-23518732
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and your preference woud be ….?
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