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(satire?)

Fountains and key landmarks are to be illuminated and the news broadcast on a giant screen above central London after the birth of prime minister David Cameron’s idea to restrict access to pornography on the internet

As the national media broke the news of the arrival of Cameron’s baby, plans for celebrations were revealed which include the fountains in Trafalgar Square and the London Eye to be lit up in patriotic red, white and blue, a 62-gun salute to be fired from the Tower of London and news of the popular conception will also be displayed on the screen at the top of the 600-feet BT Tower.

A spokesperson for Number 10 said the prime minister – like any parent after giving birth to such an important idea – would be spending his time privately with the baby’s mother, Australian tobacco lobbyist Lynton Crosby.

The couple’s idea to restrict access to internet pornography will be third in-line to the populist throne, with immigration control and reducing unemployment benefits second and first in-line respectively.

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