Tags
(satire?)
Fountains and key landmarks are to be illuminated and the news broadcast on a giant screen above central London after the birth of prime minister David Cameron’s idea to restrict access to pornography on the internet.
As the national media broke the news of the arrival of Cameron’s baby, plans for celebrations were revealed which include the fountains in Trafalgar Square and the London Eye to be lit up in patriotic red, white and blue, a 62-gun salute to be fired from the Tower of London and news of the popular conception will also be displayed on the screen at the top of the 600-feet BT Tower.
A spokesperson for Number 10 said the prime minister – like any parent after giving birth to such an important idea – would be spending his time privately with the baby’s mother, Australian tobacco lobbyist Lynton Crosby.
The couple’s idea to restrict access to internet pornography will be third in-line to the populist throne, with immigration control and reducing unemployment benefits second and first in-line respectively.
.
Related articles by Tom Pride:
Prince Harry Heralds New Era Of Royal Openness By Getting His Tackle Out At A Party
Benefits limited to first two royal children in bid to cut bloated welfare bill
Duchess of Cambridge delights at first official portrait of her sister’s bottom
Gary Barlow gets OBE for charity work with unemployed elderly royals
Big Ben’s tower to be renamed in honour of luxury cruise ship
Queen Hits Out At Cruel Tyrants By Inviting Them For Lunch
Scandal as Topless and Legless Royalty Denied Benefits by DWP
.
Please feel free to comment – you don’t need to register and I’m extremely minimal with the moderating – so please go ahead.
.
If you click on any of these buttons below, you’ll be doing me a favour by sharing this article with other people. Thanks:
Pride's Purge 
slightly gobsmacked.
well – after the recent insanity of “teaching kids about porn in schools” (jeez?) and moronic lawyers (female – wtf?) suggesting a lowering of the age of consent” (to avoid rich bastards being caught on one of their favourite power trips..) finally what would appear to be a sensible response to a problem, rather than just moving the goalposts to keep all the money moving ‘upward’ – or downward as i call it..
.
but wait – the tories (there is no such thing as society..) doing something that actually tackles a human problem and could result in some kind of social improvement?
hmmm.
my bullshit detector (admittedly rather worn out, frayed and in need of a tune up since 2010) keeps asking me:
how the hell have they found a way to make money out of restricting access to porn?
i mean – they’ve managed to make a profit out of the dole with workfare.
watching this one to see where it goes.
or is “illuminating the fountains” a new kind of hip hop slang for something dirty?
LikeLike
distracts nicely from the investigation into a former cabinet minister.
LikeLike
Cameron gave birth to the idea when it was revealed that Kate Middleton has voted labour after being frightened into conceiving by a thunderstorm early this morning.http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/royal-baby-news-kate-middletons-2076136 This immaculate conception, witnessed by news men all over the world, has forced the nation to go into morning sickness all day.
Dole offices accross Britain have flung open their doors in celebration to offer free money to immigrants and witchfinder general IDS has been given special dispensation to cure the sick and halt the lame by using the tried and tested ducking stool method favoured by monarchs and churchmen since time immemorial.
Cameron stated on the tiffin time Jeremy Fine show on BBC Radio 2 that although stricter controls on internet porn will be introduced with genuine perverts having to click the perv drop down box on their computer, not all obscenity can be addressed in one go. Tax evasion, excessive pay rises for MPs and the usual expenses embezzlement scheme will escape the ban. Young(ish) floozies who shag fat Labour MPs and plug ugly union officials to gain places on the gravy train needed some form of stimulant to take their minds of the disagreeable task that they faced so they are exempt from the porn opt in, but middle aged pervs, doggers and wife swappers who are not MPs will be forced to pay a porn tax levied from their DWP claims at source.
Golden fountains will prove to be very illuminating and those out celebrating are advised to wear a long unwashed raincoat, or a dirty mac.
LikeLike
Shock horror Kate is in Labour, all over the media so must be true. The question is, is she also a member of UNITE.
LikeLike
so whos the tory minster being investigated mr camron.
LikeLike
Pingback: Country celebrates as Cameron gives birth to po...
theere has undoubtedly been a coupling – so the answer lies in railtrack
LikeLike
Pingback: Shock turns to anger as doctors confirm royal baby just exactly like any other little boy | Pride's Purge