(not satire – it’s UK education today)
Have any government ministers ever actually spoken to a 4-year-old child?
Because formally testing children at that age has got to be the stupidest idea the coalition has come up with yet.
This is what a formal test of a 4-year-old is likely to look like:
EXAMINER: Hello, what’s your name?
4-YEAR-OLD: Tom.
EXAMINER: Hello, Tom. And what’s your surname?
4-YEAR-OLD: I like sausages. Do you think we’re going to have sausages for tea today?
EXAMINER: Erm, I don’t know. Your surname?
4-YEAR-OLD: Trump.
EXAMINER: Trump’s your surname?
4-YEAR-OLD: He he he …. (blowing raspberries and laughing hysterically) … that’s what a trump sounds like.
EXAMINER: Right. OK. Well maybe we can forget the surname. Let’s have a look at these shapes and can you tell me which one is the square?
4-YEAR-OLD: (without moving) Yes.
EXAMINER: Can you show me by pointing?
4-YEAR-OLD: No.
EXAMINER: Why not?
4-YEAR-OLD: My mummy says it’s rude to point.
EXAMINER: Right, I see. Can you show me without pointing?
4-YEAR-OLD: No. But did you know I can blow bubbles from my bottom?
I’d love to see a grading and marking scheme which can cope with answers like those.
But apart from the practical problems of formally testing children at such a young age, there is absolutely no evidence that starting formal teaching at an early age leads to more successful final outcomes.
In Scandinavian countries, for example, children are still playing in kindergardens at the age of 6 – and the outcomes for 18-year-olds in those countries are generally much better than ours when it comes to education.
And every parent knows there is also a huge difference in abilities at the early stages of educational development – children develop in leaps and bounds and there can be as much as a 2 or 3 year range between abilities of individual children at that age.
Comparing individual 4-year olds and rating them by their abilities is pointless and could even be damaging by making late-developing children feel like they’re failures.
I’ve got a much better idea than testing 4-year-olds.
Perhaps we should introduce more rigorous, formal testing of prospective government ministers before we allow them to get their hands on our children’s education?
.
Related articles by Tom Pride:
Gove announces plan to phase out teaching in schools
EXCLUSIVE – leaked sample questions from Michael Gove’s new GCSE Mathematics examination
How The Gove Stole Summer (with apologies to Dr. Suess)
Gove – children to start learning to hate school from age of 5
Gove unveils new GCSEs with emphasis on cold baths and six of the best from a well-oiled cane
Toby Young – disabled children should be excluded from schools
Johnson – let’s have more schools with lashings of junk food and no disabled children
BBFC – Michael Gove ‘too scary’ for under-12s
New English Bacchanalian exam to focus on core subjects of drinking, swearing and fighting
Gove – free bibles to boost nutritional standards on school menus
Government Baffled By Surprise 10% Fall In University Applications After Tripling Of Fees
.
Please feel free to comment – you don’t need to register and I’m extremely minimal with the moderating – so please go ahead.
.
If you click on any of these buttons below, you’ll be doing me a favour by sharing this article with other people. Thanks:
Pingback: Plans to test 5-year-olds is not the coalition’s worst policy – but it’s their stupidest » Alternative News Network
Free Sound Bites (@AbsolutelyFreeB) said:
While I agree that this is a stupid Policy, and you have given a splendid resume of its inanity, I think you underestimate the competition provided by some of the other Policies. Perhaps there should be a national referendum about it?
LikeLike
Pingback: Plans to test 5-year-olds is not the coalition'...
Johnsonas said:
Reblogged this on Johnsono ne'Blog'as.
LikeLike
guy fawkes said:
I thought the educational issue was about bringing back the 11plus testing and grammar/technical schools again? Whatever age gove and co pick out of a hat, children should not be judged at 5 nor 11 especially when the middle class are paying for extra tuition for their child to ensure tarquin gets good enough grades to secure a place in a half decent school, there is no such thing as fair or healthy competitiveness anymore.
LikeLike
nearlydead said:
Reblogged this on nearlydead.
LikeLike
Mike Sivier said:
Reblogged this on Vox Political.
LikeLike
Sam Spruce (@samspruce) said:
It is sinister and frightening.
LikeLike
Stewart Herring said:
Is there any,evidence based, proof that this will do anything? Apart from creating jobs for inspectors (or are the existing teaching staff expected to take this on),more beaurocracy and headlines for ministers
The governments of the world have been interfering in education policies for so long that there must be plenty of evidence as to what works, or not.
LikeLike
edward melville said:
we are testing the children on a daily bases. looking for the failers so that we can grade them special educational needs. .then it on a pathway! to monies. .did you know if yiu can get the child on a statement of education the school can get over 15 thousand a year on top of the normal money you get so that child is worth over 25 thousand a year…..but the still fail that child by repeat ing work over and over again. test that child at stages . TThen if that does not get 100% then it moves not 1 stage back but 3……this is in primary schools….when the child get to secondary school .that statement goes with them…..but heres the best bit the child then gets the information told to them as it should …and it does not go backwards or repeat things..it get put in a low achiever class…so you can say it it put in the stupid class and it stays there if it improve s ….then I hope it get moved out.. my daughter left primary to secondary with a lvl 2b….but after 2 school years most of her grades have moved up 5c, which in primary if you got that at year6 you would of been told your GIFTED, but in secondary your normal.
LikeLike
bobchewie said:
At five they should be looking for work..
LikeLike
susie said:
with you on that. reread Brave New World ,Its getting them when they’re young, but I would like every person running for office to go through an intelligence test. and an in depth police
disclosure which would be open to the public, before running for election.
LikeLike
jed goodright said:
I’d loved to have tested Michael Gove when he was five …. with a plank or maybe see how he copes getting himself out of a dustbin full of quick drying cement
LikeLike
paul8ar said:
well worth a watch – it summed up for me the insanity inherent in the system. and the only explanation for the madness continuing has got to be about cash. as usual. profit before people, when if you invest in the whole person – you get a better world. imho. but no immediate fast profit in that. the sickness continues…
LikeLike
bobchewie said:
Send them up chimneys and charge them for doing so..school is wasted on working-class ..
LikeLike
nedhamson said:
Reblogged this on Ned Hamson Second Line View of the News and commented:
Spot on!
LikeLike
overburdenddonkey said:
edward melvile..
horrendous what they do..we really need to get education out of the grasping hands of government…and back into the hands of the people, get rid of this antiquated and old fashioned system and approach to education..and come up with a sensible and stable system of education. it’s not rocket science, but common sense, the finnish start school @7…
LikeLike
Pingback: WARNING! To avoid risk of explosion, never mention these 2 facts about childhood obesity in the same sentence. OK? | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Bonkers Tories expect 4 year-olds to be ready for employment, university and “hard problems in calculus” | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Never mind – British kids are just naturally thicker than Finnish kids | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Come on Nick Clegg admit it – the Lib Dems f*cked up by voting for Gove’s education reforms | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Authorities return Nick Clegg to natural family after DNA tests reveal he’s a Tory | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Lib Dems again come last in local by-election – with just 19 votes! | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Michael Gove adviser calls critic ‘mental’ on Twitter | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Nick Clegg Accuses Nick Clegg of ‘Sneering’ at Politics While Taking The Money | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Nick Clegg tries to shed clean-cut image by dry humping a foam finger during PMQs | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Nick Clegg announces plan to revive party fortunes by nailing his scrotum to the floor | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Met Office warns of thick fog causing chaos in Vince Cable’s brain | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Treasury to unveil new 12-sided Vince Cable | Pride's Purge