(satire?)
Educational experts have expressed reservations over Education Secretary Michael Gove’s announcement that the coalition government intends to phase out teaching in state schools.
According to reports, government ministers have already started talks to phase out the provision of education in primary and secondary schools in order for schools to focus more on their core function of making money – without the need to teach pupils, as required by existing legislation.
Some experts however have criticised the plans, saying the complete axing of all teaching in schools could possibly lead in some cases to pupils not actually learning anything at all.
A spokesperson for the Department for Education, explained the reasons for the plans:
One of the biggest obstacles to the smooth running of a school is the distraction of constantly having to teach things to children.
It’s clear that unless we allow our schools to be able to escape the stranglehold that having to provide an education brings, the people running schools will never be able to make a decent profit from them.
According to insiders, the Education Secretary is also said to be looking at ways of reducing the high costs of employing teachers by relaxing statutory requirements for schools to have any.
It is understood that there are two broad elements to the reforms: the national curriculum – which sets out what secondary school pupils should be taught – will be scrapped; and a more rigorous system of not teaching anything at all to non fee-paying state school pupils is to be introduced.
The government also believes that the twin reforms will hand more freedom to state school teachers – by making them redundant.
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yep back to 1800 were Fagan gangs of kids roam but we have that now in the capital yep they delve into schools but not nowing whot do knacker said services up
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In the midst of despair, a read of your latest post and I’m guaranteed a laugh. Thank heaven for satire.
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Thank you “Jonathan Swift” for another hilarious satire.
Can’t help wondering, what is the proportion of teachers to pupils at Eton? Doesn’t Eton have “charity” status too? Wonder if it has an offshore tax haven account….
Education is so important to a civilised society. Essentials to a decent standard of living should be available to all and NOT for profit – education, libraries, health, utilities, transport and basic foodstuffs (the latter not made of rubbish – or GMO – to increase profitability). And a fair and compassionate welfare system like the bedroom tax which is of dystopian horror – whoever came up with that bit of pure evil should be lynched in public.
Tories mantra seems to be “Do as WE say Plebs but you are not allowed to do as WE do ‘cos we don’t want to have you getting above us” (*snigger” ” at least WE don’t have to live with the consequences”)
I wonder how it will all pan out in the history books in time to come……
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A Government spokesperson said that the phasing out of education in schools will increase the wealth of the nation by reducing welfare dependency.
This will be achieved by making application forms much too difficult for scruffy illiterate oiks to complete.
The measures will also help poorer schoolchildren, who would otherwise remain idle and unproductive, to gain employment as field hands, as fast food counter assistants, or for the really bright and ambitious as expendable military personnel who will be delighted to participate in foreign adventures where they will be allowed to randomly kill people.
The level of student debt will be reduced when the parents of our tall growing poppies from humble fee paying schools, where the teacher/ pupil ratio is as high as ten students to just one teacher, take responsibility for the further education of their offspring by paying tuition fees from the trust fund. These brighter, cleaner and generally much more polite and well mannered students will, after graduating, follow the traditional family careers of banking, government or the civil service, thus giving years of selfless dedicated service to our great nation.
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….. and continue the excellent work of the MCC, Lord’s Cricket ground, the England Cricket Team (Men of course), The Royal Opera House and Wimbledon
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Wouldn’t surprise me if this was a genuine Tory policy because, if kids learned nothing at school, they wouldn’t be intelligent enough to vote anything but Tory!
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…..but in the case of the MCC only those who were enrolled for membership before they were born need apply to be egg and bacon tie wearers.
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The children should also be utilised more efficiently. Instead of them having nothing to do all day we could have them cleaning roads outside of schools, washing for free large cars at traffic lights. This should teach them a little more respect!
A good days work down the coal mines never hurt anyone either!
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Well played, sir.
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I seriously hope this is untrue, it feels as though if your not minted you don’t have any rights nowadays, children need an education and its unfair to deny them the opportunity to succeed in life just because their parents are poor or working class, the current school system has worked for many years so why change it, oh I know to fill the pockets of the greedy government, which by the way is a sham, I hope they happy knowing they are taking off the poor for pure profit, it’s unfair and unjust but I seriously believe in karma and one day their health will pack up or something equally bad will happen to them, just hope they can cope like the rest of us ordinary people have to
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Reblogged this on HUMAN RIGHTS & POLITICAL JOURNAL.
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If Karma exists why hasn’t Tony Blair dissolved into a pool of vomit?
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Socrates educated people from the streets it was his pupil plato that was in favour of academies. The street is infact where most kids educate themselves anyway and the internet now of course.
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Reblogged this on Gogwit's Blog and commented:
Phasing out education so that the core function of making money may be better pursued…grrrr – that isn’t satire I’m afraid!
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Crack up funny – but also very disturbing since there are already charter schools that are not far from that – http://saveourschoolsnz.wordpress.com/2013/06/01/the-charter-school-with-no-classes-at-all/
Scary, eh?
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Home schooling,as they learn more at home than at school anyway Easy to teach , one or ever how many kids than the thirty plus in a class,so less time and more learning!.
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