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(satire?)

A prominent British journalist and Daily Mail columnist has called for foreign states – including the US and Britain – to intervene in the continuing conflict in Nigella Lawson’s marriage by supplying arms to the celebrity chef.

Melanie Phillips was speaking after confirmation that many areas of the glamorous TV cook and food writer’s neck and face were under fierce attack and assaults on other parts of her body were continuing.

In a controversial appearance on BBC Question Time last night, Ms Philips also said that NATO should consider bombing Jamie Oliver in order to prevent further blistering attacks by the TV chef on Education Secretary Michael Gove’s plans to allow Free Schools and academies to ignore nutrition guidelines and profit from junk food vending machines.

“We want heavy weapons like tanks and jet fighters strong enough to stop Jamie Oliver’s gob in his tracks. That is what we want,” AFP quoted Ms Philips as saying during her appearance on the Question Time panel in London.

The comments come not long after Ms Phillips and other Daily Mail columnists called for NATO to bomb Iran after it was revealed that the Islamic Republic had been developing a programme to produce spicy lamb kebabs for export to the west’s fast food and take-away market.

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