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(satire?)
1. Leroy wants to buy a TV for £400 plus VAT. VAT is presently at 17½%. How much money will Leroy save if he loots it during a riot instead?
Answer: £………………………………………………………… (3 marks)
2. A class in an inner-city comprehensive contains 13 boys and 17 girls. A female pupil is chosen at random. What is the probability that she is pregnant?
Answer: ……………………………………………………… (2 marks)
3. A mini-disc player is priced at £75. It is put in the sale at 15% off. To within the nearest thousand, how many disc players will be bought by asylum seekers on benefits?
Answer: ………………………………………………………… (2 marks)
4. This is the present exchange rate from a travel agent’s office.
GBP (£) 1 = Euro (€) 1.43
A French company is buying goods in the UK. They change 1000 Euros (€) into GB pounds (£). How much better off will the UK be if we left the EU (to the nearest pound)?
Answer: £…………………………………………………………………… (2 marks)
5. Michael is X years old. David is five years older than Michael. Gideon is 2 years younger than David.
What is the probability that Michael will one day become Prime Minister?
Answer: ………………………………………………………… (2 marks)
6. A survey was done asking people to name their favourite TV programme. The results are shown in this chart:
If one of these people were chosen at random, what is the probability that
they will be a long-term unemployed scrounger who watches telly all day instead of getting a job?
Answer: ………………………………………………………… (2 marks)
7. Andrea has 237 DVDs in her collection. She has bought some new storage
boxes which hold 42 DVDs each. The boxes cost £7.95 each. How much taxpayers’ money will she waste on them if she is a Romanian single mother who was allowed to come over here to live off our benefits system under Labour’s lax immigration policies?
Answer: £……………………………………………………………………(2 marks)
8. This is a list of the ages of customers who bought newspapers in a newsagent’s one day:
4, 7, 23, 14, 8, 7, 40, 81, 45, 1
If the mean age of the customers who bought the super sizzling soaraway Sun is 40, what kind of boring old farts or mere kids must be buying the other worthless rags?
Answer: ………………………………………………………… (2 marks)
8. Crunch cereal is available in two different sizes – both of which represent excellent value:
Work out the cost of 100g of tasty, healthy, delicious, refreshing Crunch when bought in the fantastic value 450g box available in all your local supermarkets and retail outlets (to the nearest whole pence)
Answer: Great value at only ………….…………………………………………………………p (2 marks)
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This examination was sponsored by Kellogs – the makers of Crunch cereal.
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Related articles by Tom Pride:
Gove unveils new GCSEs with emphasis on cold baths and six of the best from a well-oiled cane
Toby Young – disabled children should be excluded from schools
Johnson – let’s have more schools with lashings of junk food and no disabled children
Gove demands toughening up of Olympic grading system after record success
BBFC – Michael Gove ‘too scary’ for under-12s
New English Bacchanalian exam to focus on core subjects of drinking, swearing and fighting
Jamie Oliver accuses Gove of being too starchy, tasteless and unhealthy for children
Michael Gove to scrap education in exams shakeup
Nick Clegg vows to block Michael Gove’s reforms by tripling them
Gove – free bibles to boost nutritional standards on school menus
Reading, Writing & Counting To Be Dropped In Favour Of More Useful Subjects
Government Baffled By Surprise 10% Fall In University Applications After Tripling Of Fees
Education Secretary – lack of teaching no excuse for poor academic achievement
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vat is 20%, but grove has more important things to explain tom, i guess you have not seen exaro?
to protect any would be child abuser, rather than protect the child, just as jack straw did for kids in care tom.
http://www.exaronews.com/articles/4999/michael-gove-blocks-move-to-force-schools-to-report-sex-abuse?utm_source=newsletter-news&utm_medium=email&
utm_campaign=newsletter-13-06-12
you see nothing changes tom, maybe if it was made compulsory to whistle blow on abuse by teachers, parents or other children abusing children our private boarding schools might stop producing all the child abusing elite who are protected by their child abusing peers, mps and judges.
good news is ben fellows is ok, despite having his home broken into, threatened by security in black ski masks, god forbid secret courts and bilderberg steering member ken clarke should be outed for what he did……………………….
like c smith, the system protects its own.
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Do they still make and sell minidisc players?
..will schools introduce courses in supermarket checkout handling and shelf stacking?
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Q: the govt has to save money by cutting paperwork. However child A is claiming child sex abuse what should the govt do?
1 cut staff
2 show that child A is the habitual liar she is
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A *mini-disc* player!!??
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Watchdog last night exposed differentials in monetary exchange rates. Newcastle got 33% less Euro’s to the pound than cardiff – robbing swines.
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i think this needs mentioning agian.
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now social studies: (sic)
your cousin has started a corporation which is designed to maintain a shadow state profit from the taxpayers money. in order to maximise profit, and avoid prosecution from leftie law systems, due to the need to use slavery and brute force, low wages and non eu style employment conditions, arrange the following in the correct order for efficiently achieving this end:
1 complete privatisation of the prison service via the above company.
2 conflation of the need to claim any welfare benefit with criminalisation.
3 removal of legal aid for prisoners and any remaining benefit claimants
4 introduiction of compulsory private workfare style contracts throughout the prison service
5 create a media campaign demonising benefit claimants, focusingg on the most vulnerable, i e disabled, with labels such as workshy, and scroungers
6 introduce austerity measures to expedite changes to the law to suit.
7 spin the big society idea to cover the privatisation of all public services
8 create impossible targets (and therefore implied inefficiency throughout the justice system) similar to the successful NHS campaign, to ensure public support for privatisation
9 continue to bottom the economy, to maintain austerity measures, maximising the potential from the deliberately created financial crisis, whilst ensuring that the top 10% profits are increased exponentially.
(5 marks)
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Wonderful.You made me laugh when the day has been trying.Thanks
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god, that’s really difficult
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Reblogged this on HUMAN RIGHTS & POLITICAL JOURNAL.
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y’ know, they could always start a campaign to lower the age of ‘consent’ that would avoid all that silly paperwork, and no rich or financially powerful person would be able to claim in the first place.
oh wait…..
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i meant be claimed against.. dur!
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Reblogged this on Gogwit's Blog and commented:
i-level? Eye-level? High-level? Split level? On-the-level?
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