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(satire – probably)

Liberal Democrats may in future be able to have their missing balls or backbones replaced with ones grown from cells taken from chickens or mice, experts have predicted.

Scientists say hybrids of mouse or chicken stem cells – both of which are remarkably similar in structure to those extracted from Liberal Democrat cabinet ministers – raises the possibility of growing missing teeth, backbones and balls on junior coalition MPs’ bodies.

Several pairs of fully functioning balls – created by combining stem cells taken from mice and Vince Cable well before he sold himself out for a seat in the cabinet – have been grown in a laboratory by researchers who hope the work could lead to Liberal Democrat MPs being able to grow back other things they lack – such as scruples or guts – and in the future it may even be possible to provide them with at least a primitive, working conscience scientists say.

Professor Paul Smith, who led the research at King’s College London, said:

Epithelial cells derived from adult Lib Dem tissue are capable of responding to testicle-inducing signals from embryonic mesenchyme in an appropriate way to contribute to ball sack and gonad formation and give rise to relevant differentiated cell types, following in-vitro culture.

Or to put it in layman’s terms – it’s about time the Lib Dems grew a pair.

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Related articles by Tom Pride:

Liberal Democrats decide jobs and economy are not important enough to debate

57 out of 58 Lib Dems voted with Tories to cut pay for low-waged farm workers

Nick Clegg pledges clampdown on harassment of hot Lib Dem peers by women

Nick Clegg scoops best actor Oscar for performance in sci-fi fantasy Total Lack of Recall

Missing Tory Eastleigh by-election candidate Maria Hutchings turns up at US auction

Fresh outbreak of Foot-in-Mouth in Eastleigh as attempts to quarantine Tory candidate fail

All Lib Dem MPs in England and Wales to be microchipped by 2015

Liberal Democrat to stand for far-right English Democrats in Eastleigh by-election

Zoologists – Vince Cable and Ed Balls ready to mate soon

Revealed! Nick Clegg’s secret love going back to his student days

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