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(satire – barely)
David Cameron has reached out to the Tory right by promising to table a Commons vote on encouraging couples to get married so they can pay less tax – rather than because they love each other.
Amid concerns on the Tory Right that the Prime Minister has no feel for their concerns, Mr Cameron said that he can force the right-wing touchstone issue of getting married to someone you don’t love simply in order to avoid paying as much money as possible in taxes, because he is technically the most senior Treasury minister.
In an interview with the Conservative Home website, Mr Cameron said:
It’s clear that if we are to get the economy on its feet again, the country can no longer afford to continue to prioritise luxuries such as love and romance and all those other things the Left think are so important.
That’s why as Tories we have to uphold traditional values when it comes to marriage – such as shotgun weddings and getting married to preserve family wealth – as opposed to wishy-washy modern ideas like getting married to someone just because you’ve fallen in love with them.
The remarks, made on the local election campaign trail in Carlisle, come not long after the prime minister accepted a commons motion tabled by Tory backbenchers on the right of his party, to make the wearing of corsets, petticoats, hoop skirts, chemises and very large drawers compulsory for all state educated schoolgirls over the age of 5.
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Other articles by Tom Pride:
Tory Modernisers Vow To Drag Party Into 19th Century
Researchers discover prehistoric dinosaurs once thought extinct at heart of Tory Party
Andrew Mitchell – “Rozzers gone and stitched me up good and proper!”
More People Believe In Loch Ness Monster Than In Osborne’s Ability To Run Economy
Duchess of Cambridge delights at first official portrait of her sister’s bottom
Where are all the left-wing rebellious Old-Etonians? Or are they all brainwashed?
Tough exams and six of the best from a well-oiled cane are keys to success says Michael Gove
Who would you prefer as PM? Wallace or Flashman?
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Pride's Purge 
That about describes all tory marriages then doesn’t it – loveless? Most are married to political others and big business.
Mind you some wives have to take a back seat to a football too.
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Playing ball games in the park with my children, taught me a few lessons about politics and the media.
I start my analogy with a game of throw and catch with a rugby ball.
Child one plays Rugby and is familiar and comfortable with the handling of an odd shape ball.
Child 2 has seen it on TV but no practical experience of the sport.
Child 3 has never seen nor played with a rugby ball.
I “pass” a large, awkward Rugby ball at each child in turn.
No. 1 catches it confidently and in a controlled, assertive manner.
No.2, fumbles the ball, drops it and does his best to catch and control the ball as it bounces randomly and rolls awkwardly.
No. 3, sees this and puts his arms out in front of him in a gesture of self defence, closing his eyes and turning his face to protect himself from the incoming missile.
The first world war was practiced on the playing fields of Eton, as someone once said.
The delivery of bad, awkward or frightening news by the mass media, is seems to have a similar effect on the greater population.
Familiarity, respect or fear and confusion.
That’s why i love you Tom, you keep us on top of the game…
Will you marry me?
Its legal now and we even pay less tax, its either me or Ian Hislop….
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What always gets me is that some people think it right to offer tax breaks for married couples, while never questioning the fact that the benefits system actively penalizes couples, even if married, by paying them about 75% of what they would get as two single people. Not only is this unfair, it also actively discourages people from living together. This aggravates the housing shortage, a large contributor to which is people living in smaller households and increases the number of single parent households, which most supporters of tax breaks for married couples profess to abhor.
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After that analogy drew he might prefer Hislop!
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malcolm Hunter
On the surface the benefits system sounds unfair to couples, but when you consider that by sharing a household they are paying 1 tv licence, 1 water charges,1 central heating etc, etc something the singleton has to pay out of one income.
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Hi all, regarding the earlier piece about the lady who had Tom’s blog marked as spam….
Please look at this screenshot of the conversation. http://imgur.com/IB2JTZj
The lady did not boast about reporting the link, nor did she ever admit to it. She pointed out it was marked as spam, and agreed that it should be.
She says “should be marked as spam and quite right too” in a bid to insult the piece – it is not an admission to marking it as such.
Nowhere in this conversation has this lady admitted she marked it – Tom stated that, and she immediately corrected him.
Even if she HAD done this, the issue lay entirely with Facebook as I’ve said earlier, and affected many blogs. But she didn’t even do it.
Tom is a liar, and he has known from the start that he was making all of this up. If you reply to me with yet another defence after seeing this deplorable behaviour, then you really need to reassess who you trust online.
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Ollie
What do you want – blood?
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Reblogged this on Gogwit's Blog.
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(begin sarcasm)
I for one am encouraged by Mr Cameron’s remarks. I have searched for this foolish thing called love for far too long. This Panzer Commander is without a Milkmaid to slam his balls with a cricket bat on a nightly basis. I will now no longer feel ashamed to get married because the cause is a sacrament baptised in the purest blue.
While I have your attention. Should anyone find the tool I use for extracting cricket balls from my bottom I’d be grateful that they would return it. Last seen in the Harrods Food Hall.
(end sarcasm)
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