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(satire – barely)

David Cameron has reached out to the Tory right by promising to table a Commons vote on encouraging couples to get married so they can pay less tax – rather than because they love each other.

Amid concerns on the Tory Right that the Prime Minister has no feel for their concerns, Mr Cameron said that he can force the right-wing touchstone issue of getting married to someone you don’t love simply in order to avoid paying as much money as possible in taxes, because he is technically the most senior Treasury minister.

In an interview with the Conservative Home website, Mr Cameron said:

It’s clear that if we are to get the economy on its feet again, the country can no longer afford to continue to prioritise luxuries such as love and romance and all those other things the Left think are so important.

That’s why as Tories we have to uphold traditional values when it comes to marriage – such as shotgun weddings and getting married to preserve family wealth – as opposed to wishy-washy modern ideas like getting married to someone just because you’ve fallen in love with them.

The remarks, made on the local election campaign trail in Carlisle, come not long after the prime minister accepted a commons motion tabled by Tory backbenchers on the right of his party, to make the wearing of corsets, petticoats, hoop skirts, chemises and very large drawers compulsory for all state educated schoolgirls over the age of 5.


Other articles by Tom Pride:

Tory Modernisers Vow To Drag Party Into 19th Century

Researchers discover prehistoric dinosaurs once thought extinct at heart of Tory Party

Andrew Mitchell – “Rozzers gone and stitched me up good and proper!”

More People Believe In Loch Ness Monster Than In Osborne’s Ability To Run Economy

Duchess of Cambridge delights at first official portrait of her sister’s bottom

Where are all the left-wing rebellious Old-Etonians? Or are they all brainwashed?

Tough exams and six of the best from a well-oiled cane are keys to success says Michael Gove

Who would you prefer as PM? Wallace or Flashman?


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