(satire – probably)
Scientists have intervened at Westminster zoo after scrutinising the chancellor George Osborne’s behaviour and deciding he was exhibiting signs that were not conducive to producing a plan B to rescue the economy.
Government ministers are infamously difficult to mate with sensible ideas and a team of experts who have been monitoring Mr Osborne for the past week opted to perform artificial insemination on Sunday as the chancellor displayed behaviour which showed marked reluctance to come up with any sensible plans whatsoever.
Previously, experts had hoped Mr Osborne was showing signs of nearing readiness to produce a new plan, including grumpiness and loss of appetite, but in recent days the chancellor started to display signals that he was uninterested in doing anything at all to improve the economy.
There has been great interest since Mr Osborne arrived in number 11 Downing Street One and members of the public have rallied round enthusiastically at the news of the procedure. One member of the public explained the reason for the interest:
I know plenty of people who’d love to personally artificially inseminate Osborne by sticking a huge plan B up his arse. Pointy end first.
The zoo said the insemination had gone very much to plan, and Mr Osborne would be taken off display from the public until Tuesday.
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