(satire – probably)
MPs and peers will return to Westminster from the Easter recess on Wednesday as parliament is recalled to debate the planned privatisation of both the House of Commons and the House of Lords in honour of the former prime minister Margaret Thatcher.
However, in a blow to Ed Miliband – who has instructed his MPs to follow his lead in responding to the privatisation in a respectful manner – David Winnick Labour MP for Walsall North said it would be “absolutely hypocritical” if parliament did not hear all sides of the argument to sell themselves off in memory of Baroness Thatcher’s legacy.
Inside sources say Russian oligarch Anton Zingarevich is particularly interested in buying up the House of Commons including all of its MPs as a package (with the exception of Nadine Dorries who is expected to be sold off to an Australian Kangaroo reserve for use as a toilet roll holder) and a mysterious Chinese bidder is thought to be interested in acquiring substantial numbers of peers currently sitting in the House of Lords for a British themed fun park near Beijing.
However, one senior backbench MP said the public should not be too unduly concerned by the plans to sell-off the UK parliament to the highest bidder:
Actually, MPs and peers from all parties have always been up for grabs by anyone willing to line their pockets, so the privatisation of parliament won’t make all that much difference at all if you think about it.
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