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(satire – I think)

Flying in the face of expert opinion that former prime minister Margaret Thatcher was showing absolutely no signs of life, the Chancellor George Osborne has insisted the 87 year-old baroness is over the worst and is well on the way to making a full recovery.

Mr Osborne’s optimistic assessment of the health of Baroness Thatcher comes despite all indications yesterday that the longest-serving prime minister in the 20th century is in fact unlikely to ever recover from being dead.

However, despite the pessimism from people who actually know better, Mr Osborne said he was confident his recent budget was just as likely to resuscitate Lady Thatcher’s flatlining heartbeat as it was to bring about a recovery of Britain’s equally lifeless economy.

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