(satire – or is it?)
The UK government has scrapped plans for all of UK society to come together and pay for the ceremonial funeral of ex-prime minister Margaret Thatcher after realising there is in fact no such thing as society.
The dramatic U-turn came after research by the Daily Mail and the Sun newspapers revealed there were so many illegal immigrants and feckless work-shy scroungers in the UK, that there would not be nearly enough hard-working, striving bankers left in the country to pay for the funeral.
In a short statement, a spokesperson for the coalition government explained the reasons for the decision:
Obviously it would be wrong to expect the funeral to be paid for by society if – as Lady Thatcher herself confirmed – it doesn’t actually exist.
So we’ve asked the many diligent bankers in the UK who selflessly keep the country afloat with their hard work if they would be kind enough to cough up enough money to pay for it. However, it seems they can’t because they’re all tax exiles or something. So we’ll just have to flog her off to the highest bidder, like we do everything else.
There has, however, already been some criticism of the government’s plans to privatise the remains of Lady Thatcher after concerns were expressed by health experts about the possibility of serious contamination if even minute traces of her poisonous legacy were to turn up in Tesco’s and Sainsbury’s value-pack pig-head or pure bull burgers.
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