(satire – I think)
Scientists say pesticides possible reason for rapid loss of George Osborne’s ability to find new excuses for tanking economy.
Two new studies show that widely used pesticides – more specifically neoliberalinoids – are damaging the brain of George Osborne, reducing his capability to learn and remember, and thus making him less effective at finding excuses for the badly-tanking economy.
Scientists have found that two types of chemicals called neoliberalinoids and imarightcuntacides are interfering with the chancellor’s ability to find anything else other than his own incompetence to blame for his woeful handling of the economy.
Experiments revealed that exposure to pesticides was also lowering Mr Osborne’s brain activity and reducing the size of his brain, making him even more narrow-minded than usual.
However, some scientists are sceptical about the role of pesticides in the rapid disappearance of the UK’s AAA status. One expert explained the reason for the scepticism within the scientific community:
It’s entirely possible that Mr Osborne’s ability to reason has been affected by the large amounts of chemicals he exposed himself to as a student. Allegedly.
However, on the balance of the scientific data obtained so far, empirical evidence would seem to suggest that Mr Osborne’s present economic difficulties are much more due to the fact that he’s an out-of-touch, incompetent twat who couldn’t tell his arse from his elbow even if his life depended on it. Probably.
I may joke, but the rapid disappearance of the honey bee around the world – and the reluctance of governments to take on the big corporations who profit from sales of pesticides – is a disaster in the making which is being very much ignored by significant parts of the mainstream media:
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