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(satire – sort of)

Slow roasted fillet of Boris served on a bed of his own lies

Ingredients

  • 1 4-pound fillet of fatty Boris
  • 1/4 cup unadulterated truth
  • 1 teaspoon kosher information
  • 1 tablespoon pure facts
  • 1 small drop of erudition

Directions

  1. Remove Boris from all protective cover 30 minutes before roasting is due to take place. Preheat studio lighting to 500° F and truss him up in the centre of the studio where he can’t escape.
  2. With surgical precision, expertly fillet the Boris of all affectations, carefully making sure you trim him of any remaining pretensions to be prime minister that may remain stuck to the fatty flesh.
  3. Spread the truth evenly on all sides of the Boris fillet. Sprinkle with plenty of facts, evidence, and unadulterated veracity. Then slowly start to grill the Boris in a studio chair over high heat; the Boris should go red and start to sweat but not smoke too much.
  4. Drain the Boris of all oiliness making sure any traces of unprocessed tripe are removed.
  5. Turn up the heat and continue to roast the filleted Boris on all sides, at least 2 to 3 minutes per side. Carefully place the now well-browned off Boris to stew in his own lies – all the time making sure you lambaste him regularly with his own shortcomings.
  6. Expertly carve up the Boris and serve him up on a platter for all to see. Enough to satisfy several million viewers.

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You can see the slow roasting of Boris here:

Video: Boris Johnson monstered by Eddie Mair in BBC interview on the Andrew Marr show

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Related articles by Tom Pride:

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Media Baron Rupert Murdoch in Talks to Buy Popular UK Tabloid Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson can’t distance himself from Cameron. He’s family.

Tory Modernisers Vow To Drag Party Into 19th Century

David Cameron To Tackle Bullingdon Club Binge Drinking Scandal

Where are all the left-wing rebellious Old-Etonians? Or are they all brainwashed?

Cameron’s Big Society – TOFFS paying SPIVS to rip off PLEBS

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