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(satire – I think)

The Chancellor George Osborne promised a budget today that will help those who want to work hard & get on by reducing the price of beer so they can get pissed much more often.

The budget – which is being labelled by government ministers as “a budget for hard-drinking families” – included cutting the price of a pint of beer by 1p.

However, hard-line backbench boozers from the chancellor’s own party have said the cuts in the cost of alcohol spending do not go far enough to help people forget the woeful state of the economy and drown their sorrows in a haze of alcoholic oblivion. As one old Tory sot said:

We don’t just need more drastic measures to cut spending on alcohol – we need double measures, triple measures even – preferably washed down with a port and lemon chaser or whatever your favourite tipple might be.

The chancellor’s move comes not long after experts say the government’s credibility has been hit hard by reports the prime minister David Cameron lost heavily in a drinking contest with Ed Miliband and Nick Clegg during an all-night ‘session’ in Mr Miliband’s office over press regulation.


Related articles by Tom Pride:

George Osborne Is Not A Wanker – He’s A Genius!

Osborne on the loss of UK’s AAA rating – “Heads I win, tails you lose!”

An APOLOGY to Rt Hon George Osborne MP from Tom Pride

Police called to George Osborne’s home after reports his lights on but nobody at home.

More People Believe In The Loch Ness Monster Than In Osborne’s Ability To Run Economy

Scientists – no link between destruction wrought by Osborne and Asteroid 2012 DA14

UK suffers worst double-dipstick chancellor in 50 years

Did you know the name Gideon is Hebrew for ‘Destroyer’. Really.

Countdown – red faces as contestant spells out naughty word from OBSOREN

ONS Figures – Osborne’s inflated claims reach new 3 year high

Loss-Making Osborne To Be Sold Off to US Conglomerate

The Sun, The Telegraph and The Mail – we’re above UK laws so we’ll ignore them


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