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(satire – sort of)

OBR chief Robert Chote writes to Cameron disputing his claims that magic money trees do not exist

David Cameron was under pressure on Friday to withdraw claims that Magic Money Trees do not exist after the head of the Office for Budget Responsibility confirmed that one had been found growing in the vaults of Lloyds Banking Group

In an unprecedented move, Robert Chote, the OBR chairman, wrote to the prime minister to dispute Mr Cameron’s claim that the lack of growth since the coalition took office was due to the eurozone crisis and not to the fact that the UK economy was being run by an out-of-touch mummy’s boy whose only job before becoming chancellor was as a towel re-folder in Selfridges who liked to snort cocaine off the thighs of high-class prostitutes (allegedly).

In the letter, Mr Chote wrote:

For the avoidance of doubt, I think it is important to point out that Lloyds Banking Group must have had a Magic Money Tree growing in a vault in their head office for some years now.

Because if Lloyds didn’t have a Magic Money Tree – how on earth would their executives be able to pay themselves out hundreds of millions of pounds in bonuses at exactly the same time the bank made even bigger losses?

A Downing Street spokesman said Chote’s letter actually agreed with the PM that Magic Money Trees didn’t exist for ordinary people – but that Mr Cameron accepted the possibility they existed in the accounts of some top bankers, ex-Eton schoolboys and Tory Party donors.

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