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(satire – probably)

After a bout of gastroenteritis, the Queen has been confirmed as the monarch who has sat on the throne the longest, overtaking George III who once suffered from a bad case of the squits after eating a dodgy chocolate pudding.

Queen Elizabeth – who celebrated her diamond jubilee last year – had to cancel a scheduled trip to Swansea when she acceded to the throne on 1st February 2013 and has remained there for 3 days and 14 hours.

Although the Queen’s great-great-grandmother, Queen Victoria once got hit with gut-wrenching Pharaoh’s revenge after a visit to Egypt, her royal ancestor George III had greater longevity on the throne when he once had the skitters which lasted 2 days, 4 and a half hours and 32 minutes.

In a related development, a spokeswoman for Buckingham Palace rejected what she called ‘understandable’ widespread speculation that the Queen was throwing a sickie just to avoid visiting Swansea.


Related articles by Tom Pride:

Prince Harry Heralds New Era Of Royal Openness By Getting His Tackle Out At A Party

Scandal as Topless and Legless Royalty Denied Benefits by DWP

ATOS declare Richard III fit for work

Gary Barlow gets OBE for charity work with unemployed elderly royals

Prince Philip admitted to hospital as a precautionary measure against having to watch Gary Barlow in concert

Big Ben’s tower to be renamed in honour of luxury cruise ship

Queen Hits Out At Cruel Tyrants By Inviting Them For Lunch

Hunting of Carlos The Great White Elephant Arouses Anger in Recession-Hit Spain


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