(It’s not satire – it’s bankers!)
Pay attention please because this is potentially the most important article I have ever written.
Mainly because if it works it could make me rich.
I’ve come up with a sure-fire way to help struggling Lloyds Banking Group – and other loss-making banks – cut their losses by MILLIONS. Yes! millions!!
It’s clever, it’s neat – simple even – but no-one in the banking industry seems to have thought of it.
OK. Here’s my idea. It’s a bit technical – especially if you’re a top banker because it means doing a few sums – but bear with me.
Here we go.
Lloyds Banking Group have just announced losses of £570 million for 2012.
They’ve also announced that they’re going to be paying out £365 million in bonuses to their top executives for 2012.
Now. Pay attention because here’s the technical bit.
All Lloyds have to do – to drastically reduce their losses – is to not pay themselves any bonuses this year. Just for one year. That’s all. By doing that, they will reduce their losses by more than half (less a few million consultancy fee paid to me for the advice of course!)
Now. All we have to do is to contact the top brass of Lloyds to let them know how to go about it (and make sure they know who to pay the consultation fee to – me.)
You can help get the message through to Lloyds (and help me get rich) by sending this email message to:
Dear Lloyds Banking Group
Mr Thomas Pride has found a way to cut your 2012 £570 million loss by £365 million.
Simply don’t pay yourselves any bonuses this year!
This will reduce your losses to £205 million.
A conscientious well-wisher
PS Mr Pride will be happy to accept a very reasonable fee of £5 million for his advice – which will still allow you to reduce your losses to a nice round £200 million
Now. Anyone know how you go about buying a Spanish villa? They’re very cheap these days I’ve heard.
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