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(satire)

Tesco has been voted the UK’s worst riding school and pony club in an annual poll of 11,000 consumers by watchdog Which?

Tesco was at the bottom of the table, scoring just 45% for the quality of its horses – most of which were found to be dead – and receiving poor marks for its lack of riding facilities in the fresh meat section and trained riding instructors manning its check-outs.

One dissatisfied Tesco customer said:

The overall riding experience at Tesco was rubbish – mainly because although there were plenty of horses available, all of them had been killed and cut up into mince meat.

Not only that, but the children’s pony club consisted of just a few packets of Monty’s Favourite Meat Balls in Alphabetti Spaghetti and a couple of Little Dish Laughing Lasagnes.

More than 11,000 Which? members rated supermarkets for the quality of their equestrian facilities with scores based on the likelihood they would recommend it to a friend as a good place to go riding.

The poll revealed that consumers’ biggest irritation when supermarket shopping is not being able to clear any jumps in the fruit and veg’ section or go pony trecking in the household goods department.

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Related articles by Tom Pride:

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RSPCA to investigate PM after reports of dead cat bounces and relentless flogging of dead horses

Horsemeat scare spreads as traces of equine DNA discovered in royal family

FSA – dangerous levels of unprocessed tripe and traces of chicken DNA found in Cameron speech

UKIP and a little matter of bestiality and necrophilia …..

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