(satire)
The coalition government is seeking to allay safety fears over a string of new nuclear power plants it is planning to build after experts highlighted the lack of qualified Poundland shelf stackers available in the UK to oversee operational safety of the fission reactors.
In response to the concerns, the government has announced a programme of subsidised training to ensure enough Poundland employees with experience of stacking tins of beans are deployed to monitor the many potential hazards related to nuclear criticality and release of radioactive materials at the reactor sites.
In a statement, a spokesperson for number 10 said:
We are fully aware there is a problem of a lack of qualified scientists in the UK with enough experience of shelf-stacking in Poundland to ensure the safety of modern graphite moderated and pressurised water nuclear fission reactors.
That is why – in order to minimise the likelihood of accidents and avoid major human consequences when they occur – rest assured we are doing everything we can to ensure our science graduates are given as much hands-on experience of stacking bargain packs of six super-soft-but-strong silk peach loo rolls on shelves in supermarkets and high-street shops as possible.
The safety assurances come after an official report by the International Atomic Energy Agency into the causes of the Fukushima nuclear meltdown criticised the Japanese government last month for not ensuring sufficient numbers of Poundland shelf-stackers were deployed at high-risk nuclear reactor sites across the country to ensure containment of radioactive materials released into the environment by the disaster.
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For a slightly more serious discussion about nuclear power, have a look at this article:
Nuclear Power No Answer to Climate Change
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Related articles by Tom Pride:
North Korea carries out pancake toss in defiance of international ban
Coalition split after Tory minister says UK ‘peppered’ with too many wind-powered Lib Dem MPs
Controversial urine extraction method given go-ahead by government.
David Cameron stands by plan to reduce energy bills with more hot air
Adam Smith Institute – Sun Shining For Free Not A Sustainable Business Model
Cameron announces plan to eradicate world poverty by bombing it from the sky with unmanned drones
Cameron makes a WU-Turn (triple u-turn) on defence
West Mulls Military Strikes Against IKEA
US Warning To Mayans Over Threats Of World Destruction
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Reblogged this on kickingthecat.
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Great piece, Tom – you do turn things on their head!
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With so many scroungers, malingerers and ner do wells to feed, clothe, house and sustain, I’m glad the government is taking a tough line.
By sanctioning benefits for up to three years, there will be an endless supply of Homer Simpsons to build and operate a National network of foreign owned nuclear power plants.
This may seriously impact upon the labour supply for Tesco and Poundland, forcing the government to re think its immigration policy on highly qualified technically and academically qualified personnel from India, Japan, Germany and Iran to keep the shelves filled in date rotation order. By keeping the high street economy buoyant, we can then be sure of a steady supply of East European catering, child care and building workers to satisfy the middle class appetite for tax exempt coffees, cash in hand child care and built extensions to buy to let properties, without the needless red tape of planning permission. A Tory victory for common sense. At last, some political red meat. Naay, Winnie.
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@ Drew 🙂
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Well you need an ology in shelf stacking, to be able to do anything, don’t you.
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Reblogged this on HUMAN RIGHTS & POLITICAL JOURNAL.
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