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The coalition government is seeking to allay safety fears over a string of new nuclear power plants it is planning to build after experts highlighted the lack of qualified Poundland shelf stackers available in the UK to oversee operational safety of the fission reactors.

In response to the concerns, the government has announced a programme of subsidised training to ensure enough Poundland employees with experience of stacking tins of beans are deployed to monitor the many potential hazards related to nuclear criticality and release of radioactive materials at the reactor sites.

In a statement, a spokesperson for number 10 said:

We are fully aware there is a problem of a lack of qualified scientists in the UK with enough experience of shelf-stacking in Poundland to ensure the safety of modern graphite moderated and pressurised water nuclear fission reactors.

That is why – in order to minimise the likelihood of accidents and avoid major human consequences when they occur – rest assured we are doing everything we can to ensure our science graduates are given as much hands-on experience of stacking bargain packs of six super-soft-but-strong silk peach loo rolls on shelves in supermarkets and high-street shops as possible.

The safety assurances come after an official report by the International Atomic Energy Agency into the causes of the Fukushima nuclear meltdown criticised the Japanese government last month for not ensuring sufficient numbers of Poundland shelf-stackers were deployed at high-risk nuclear reactor sites across the country to ensure containment of radioactive materials released into the environment by the disaster.


For a slightly more serious discussion about nuclear power, have a look at this article:

Nuclear Power No Answer to Climate Change


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