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(satire – probably)

Foxes call on councils to act after Boris Johnson enters London City Hall and savagely attacks front-line public services

London’s urban foxes have urged councils to tackle the “menace” of Boris Johnson after he was accused of mercilessly biting off 12 of London’s fire stations.

In the ruthless attack, the wiley white-haired animal is thought to have dragged away as many as 18 helpless fire engines and slashed 520 frontline firefighter posts as well as biting off up to 12 defenceless fire stations.

In an interview with BBC News, the foxes said the attack demonstrated the need for action:

The mayor may appear cuddly and romantic, but Johnson is actually a pest and a menace, and if not properly controlled is a danger not just to children but to everyone in our cities.

However, Richard Moseley, technical manager at the British Pest Control Association, dismissed talk of a cull of Boris Johnson, saying it would take years and prove highly controversial.

Fifty per cent of people would prefer to see this pest humanely put down altogether but another 50% would be happy just to see him neutered.

he said.

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Related articles by Tom Pride:

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Boris Johnson can’t distance himself from Cameron. He’s family.

Tory Modernisers Vow To Drag Party Into 19th Century

David Cameron To Tackle Bullingdon Club Binge Drinking Scandal

Where are all the left-wing rebellious Old-Etonians? Or are they all brainwashed?

Cameron’s Big Society – TOFFS paying SPIVS to rip off PLEBS

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