(satire – sort of)
Tests by experts on the Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg have revealed most of the deputy prime minister is made up entirely from chicken mechanically separated from the backbone.
The Food Safety Authority analysed 18 of Mr Clegg’s speeches and all of them contained between 60% and 100% chicken, as well as large amounts of unidentified b***ocks, the FSA said.
Nick Clegg yesterday with Treasury Secretary Danny Alexander
In response to the shocking findings, a spokesperson for the Liberal Democrat Party assured any voters who may have bought into Mr Clegg’s promises that they can get a full refund after the next election by never voting for him ever again.
However, the FSA has ordered urgent tests on the quality of the Deputy Prime Minister’s electoral pledges after concerns they may contain as little as 0% of the ingredients he promised on the packaging.
A spokesperson for the FSA said:
Although there is no evidence to suggest the large amounts of chicken found in the Liberal Democrat leadership is a direct safety risk to the public, it’s clear if you decide to buy into cheapskate, lowdown politicians like Nick Clegg, you’re almost certainly going to be sold a plateful of chicken shit and b***ocks.
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Related articles by Tom Pride:
Sheffield man left with nothing after falling victim to Westminster conmen
Nick Clegg announces £126m scheme to encourage employers to take on unemployed Lib Dem politicians after next election
Coalition split after Tory minister says UK ‘peppered’ with too many wind-powered Lib Dem MPs
Charade-Gate scandal – coalition conflict escalates as Clegg accuses Cameron of cheating at charades
All Lib Dem MPs in England and Wales to be microchipped by 2015
Lib Dems choose candidate to stand against themselves in Eastleigh by-election
Rafa Benitez denies offering to take Chris Huhne’s points
Lib Dems pledge to paint Big Ben orange. Or red. Or blue. Or whatever.
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Coalition Cabinet Tensions Rise After Dispute Over Quality Street Chocolate Toffee Fingers
Lib’ Dem’s Win Major Concessions From Tories Over NHS Bill Punctuation
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Food products mostly today are chicken and beef. So much chicken its absurd the same with beef. To my surprise ready meals containing such are not made a few miles away but in other countries eg Brazil even so much for the words .’fresh’
Also deregulation of industries and health checks . Cow sheds battery farming ploughing up rain forests..
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Dear Tom. Is there something wrong with wordpress? If you look at the void blogs which are pretty much well subscribed the layout looks chaotic you cant tell who you are replying to.
Take recently johnnys latest on social fund. Now maybe he wasn’t aware of this but I found that capita will be running it. Possibly the most incompetent company on the planet who will be making a fortune out of the deal plus the posibility of g4s running the fire services. As much as. I try to point this out on his blog. Not a single response have I had on there. Is it deemed not important or does no one notice due to the layout?
I would like to know your thoughts on this tom. I hope you reply.
Thanks
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Just why did the chicken cross the road?
He double crossed the voters
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Bob – I don’t like the nesting of comments on WordPress either. It’s all a bit confusing.
As you know Johnny Void has taken an intense dislike to me for some unexplained reason – so I don’t look at his site much these days.
I suspect the reason you didn’t get a response about Capita being the most incompetent company on the planet is because it’s not news to most of us. 🙂
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The left is full of narcissistic self regard and totalilarianism..
So is that you Tom?
” Today asked whether abortion really was a left/right matter. As with so many issues, there is nothing intrinsically right-wing about
having reservations about the abortion time limit or opposing it altogether. It’s
a religious and moral issue instead. And there are conservative voters who
believe that abortion should be legal and that it is a woman’s right, just as
there are lefties who believe the time limit should come down or that it is morally
wrong altogether.
Nevertheless, being ‘pro-choice’ as opposed to ‘pro-life’,
and expressed in those terms, certainly is a left-wing position. This is because
essential to the left is, first, a secularist onslaught against Biblical morality
— including the acknowledgement of the innate value of human life and the need
to respect it — and its replacement by the unchallengeable authority of
subjective desires.
And second, the left is governed by the Manichean belief
that everything not the left is the right; that the left is the embodiment of virtue;
and that the right is therefore irredeemably evil.
Two things follow from this. First, Biblical morality and the
innate respect due to all forms of human life become an evil right-wing
position. In fact, not just on abortion but across the board the left is not
compassionate, generous or humane at all but is defined by selfish
individualism, callous utilitarianism and narcissistic self-regard.
Second, lefties are totally obsessed with defining themselves
as on the left. That’s because they really do believe that the left is
synonymous with virtue. That’s why both Orr and Hasan are so desperate to
maintain their left-wing purity – and why the inevitable left-wing witch-hunt
against such heresy on abortion is so unendurable for them.
Third, and as a result of the above, the left shuts down freedom
of speech and thought itself, by substituting vilification and demonisation for
reason and argument.
The abortion issue stands proxy for the closing of the
western liberal mind.”
From m Philips daily fail.
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Ok Tom. I think what I meant was that capita running the social fund wasn’t mentioned at all in johnnies opening . Maybe he forgot or didn’t know. I found out by accident to be honest. And since I also found out they would use some form of atos like assessment process along with appeal process I thought it might cause at least some discussion. But at present no one has responded ..
Yet anything to do with atos is automatically taken apart.
Also nothing said about g4s fire service. In fact I only found out about it after speculation after reading the item about fire service privatisation in the daily mirror.
As you say it might be WordPress layout. Sometimes you have to add ‘@’ commented name for them to notice despite the fact that you get a reply to.box.
I notice that some replies I get seem to reply to johnny but start with my name.
Have you reported this problem to WordPress ? I think it needs looking into. That and their crappy mobile app..
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In everything above you could easily replace the word ‘Right’ for ‘Left’ and it would actually be true.
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You would pick a sunday when I’m having chicken dinner, feel queasy now.
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he’s not chicken just full of shit – whether the chicken or bull variety makes little difference ..
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Clegg’s ingredient has been misidentified as Chicken but it is actually Cock. Bull making up the remaining percentage of his speeches.
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Why don’t we recommend a motion that the nation could save LOADS OF MONEY if they get rid of security guards for the lily livered chicken bull shitter politicians.
If Boris can recommend getting rid of their limousines we can follow suit.
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Reblogged this on HUMAN RIGHTS & POLITICAL JOURNAL.
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Reblogged this on Ned Hamson Second Line View of the News and commented:
Grin…
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