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(satire)
All Liberal Democrat MPS and councillors in England and Wales will, from April 2015, have to be microchipped as part of an attempt to cut the growing number of stray Liberal Democrats who are increasingly being abandoned by the electorate.
The programme of microchipping is also meant to ensure any Liberal Democrats tempted to run away from their party will have to take responsibility for ownership of their present policies.
Each year about 110,000 Liberal Democrat principles in Britain are abandoned or lost, at a cost of £57m to the taxpayer and welfare charities. In more than half the cases the Liberal Democrat owners of the abandoned ethics cannot be identified.
About 60% of the UK’s Liberal Democrat elected representatives are already microchipped, but from 6 April 2015 it will become compulsory, in order for voters to easily identify those which may stray to another party or may not be easily identified as belonging to any party at all.
Microchips – which are the size of a grain of rice and are fitted under the skin between the Liberal Democrat’s shoulder blades – will allow voters, councils and the public to identify stray Liberal Democrats who have abandoned their policies and their election promises so often it may be difficult to determine their real beliefs.
The environment secretary, Owen Paterson, said:
By the time of the next election in 2015, thousands of abandoned Liberal Democrat MPs and councillors could be roaming the streets or stuck in kennels because nobody wants them.
By ensuring all Liberal Democrats are microchipped, I am determined to put an end to the huge number of abandoned Liberal Democrat principles which has increased enormously over the last 2 years and which is costing the taxpayer at least £57m a year just to keep them in government.
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Charade-Gate scandal – coalition conflict escalates as Clegg accuses Cameron of cheating at charades
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Coalition Cabinet Tensions Rise After Dispute Over Quality Street Chocolate Toffee Fingers
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Chris Tandy said:
If found and subsequently unclaimed, are we allowed to have them humanely destroyed? Or neutered?
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Philip Thompson said:
Was there ever an MP called Lembit Opic ?. Chris Hhune ?.
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Pingback: All Lib Dem MPs in England and Wales to be microchipped by 2015 | Pride’s Purge « kickingthecat
bobchewie said:
well done bring back flogging and hanging…well flogging (stuff to private sector they do already and hanging on to power they do too)
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Pingback: All Lib Dem MPs in England and Wales to be microchipped by 2015 | Welfare, Disability, Politics and People's Right's | Scoop.it
rainbowwarriorlizzie said:
Reblogged this on HUMAN RIGHTS & POLITICAL JOURNAL.
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bobchewie said:
@Tom sorry but i just got annoyed,,, i was in sainsburys just now buying some food..which is hard as ive not been eating well..i went through auto check out and paid for my stuff,,,then i noticed the free bags are rubbish as they split easily the staff know this,,so i took a stronger bag ..a staff bod came rushing over abnd said ”you got to pay for that bag!”” which meant me putting the bag throught the auto checkout..total sum 10p…being deducted from my debit card,,,,the free bags are know to be pollutants anyway..so i showed them the free bags are rubbish by showing how they split easily and was accused of dleiberatley destroying the bag…by then i felt like telling them to stuff it keep the goods and the money..
the staff offred to pay for the non free bag making me look like a miser..eventually i found 10p and staff bagged up the stuff..but to be honest its like they will charge for walking around the place before long..
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Tom Pride said:
No need to apologise Bob. I often get irritated in supermarkets.
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bobchewie said:
@Tom..MORE BUSINESS FOR CRAPITA..the social fund.
from crapita website:
“Our solution
Capita’s bespoke Social Fund solution will support local authorities through these changes. It is specifically designed to administer, manage and process crisis loans and community care grants on behalf of local authorities while offering both flexible pricing and delivery options to meet individual needs.
By combining innovative technology, automated verification processes and skilled resources, our solution enables local authorities to deliver an efficient 24/7 Social Fund provision which maximises available funding, while remaining sensitive and responsive to the needs of customers.
The benefits
With the flexibility to tailor services to individual requirements and policies, we enable you to provide a truly local service with the following benefits:
* Maximised funding
* Process efficiencies
* Transparent financial management
* Economies of scale in procurement
* Better resource allocation
* Enhanced customer satisfaction.
As the UK’s leading provider of revenues and benefits services to local government we have the scale and expertise to provide flexible and tailored solutions which deliver efficiency benefits. With experience of administering welfare benefits and other discretionary payments we are well placed to offer a truly local scheme that is also simple for the citizen to use. ”
i really belive that this govt are making all these changes just for business interests only….
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bobchewie said:
Justin Beiber connected to the Tory Party..??
this is truely nuts..
http://www.newstatesman.com/politics/2013/02/why-did-universal-music-donate-10k-tory-party
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Steve Ascott said:
If you lived in Wales they charge 5p for the crappy bags. mind you we don’t have prescription fees like you lot
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bobchewie said:
@Steve and tom pride.
They charge ten pence in London and you are not allowed to use another shops bag as it carries a rivals brand and in some cases use a pre bought one . No wonder ppls homes fill up with them.
Ok tom the capita social fund thing its starting to look like atos all over again . Am reading such stuff as ‘effective customer filtering’ and appeals. Sounds like assessment time again. How much is capita getting for this i wonder.
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bobchewie said:
@Steve actually supermarkets should pay us for carrying around adverts for their business because apart from carrying products from their store they do carry the stores brand. Oh by the way I was told off by staff for destroying their crappy free bag and shouting . Feck me and I thought I was a customer. You see these company jobsworths everywhere who talk down to customers as if they were a nuisance who don’t do their duty and should be thinking of helping the companies profits.
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bobchewie said:
Have you ever wondered why these store cards are called loyalty cards.. do your duty make us rich.
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Philip Thompson said:
What I want to know is an answer to this question. Prides Purge makes MANY MANY STINGING COMMENTS about NAMED persons. WHY do they not REPLY.
i wish that there was some way to COMPELL from the “Little Shit” down to the least Chipped MP and their fellow lamppost moisteners to REPLY. But then they are ALL ENSCONCED together in SNUFFLING at the trough of the Public Purse. It would be interesting to find out how much money an MP possessed BEFORE IT came into Parliament and how much IT has now accumulated.
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bobchewie said:
@philip I suspect its because they are too busy being important and as well as being thick as two short planks it would expose them to them being hypocrites and having no principles at all.
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Philip Thompson said:
Is NOT what Pride Purge is about. To TRY and STING ALL the MPs into being DECENT PEOPLE. Oh Yea. SOME HOPE.
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Philip Thompson said:
Keep in mind that ALL MPs use the OLD”you are not my constituent” YET these MPs vote for the entire electorate of Great Britain. By this PLOY they are able to PRETEND on a Daily Basis in Parliament to APPEAR to be doing SOMETHING.
WRITE to ANY MP about a grievance and is there a reply, NOT NEVER. Will ANY of at least 150 MPs challenge me. EACH of YOU(stuff your parliamentary protocol)will you answer me. YOU have knowledge of a CRIME that was perpetrated by Walsall Social Services.
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Tom Pride said:
Philip – 350 years ago me and my men attempted to purge parliament of its more unethical members by rounding them up at the door of the House of Commons as they arrived and putting them in prison.
Nowadays, we have to go about it in a bit subtler way, more’s the pity.
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