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(satire)
A severely disabled Leicester King faces having to find work after being declared fit to work by French firm ATOS Healthcare despite being registered dead and suffering severe 550-year-old sword wounds to the head.
The dead monarch, Richard Plantagenet, was called for a reassessment of his fitness for work by ATOS – which carries out disability assessments on behalf of the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) – after it was discovered the deposed King had spent years lying around a Leicester City Council car park doing absolutely nothing.
As a result of the reassessment by ATOS, the last royal descendant of the House of York was shocked to receive a letter this week telling him he had been given a score of zero in all criteria, which means he is considered to be fit to work.
The letter from the DWP states it considers Mr Plantagenet’s lack of eyes doesn’t prevent him from “finding his way around familiar and unfamiliar places” and the fact he is bereft of life does not mean his “capability for work is limited.”
However, the deceased king has questioned the disability assessment, claiming he has been registered dead since he was killed and crudely buried by his successor Henry VII during the Battle of Bosworth in 1485.
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Related articles by Tom Pride:
Norman Tebbit tells jobless Plantagenet Kings to “get on their horses” and look for work
ATOS to reduce ‘fit for work’ test to one question: “Are you alive?”
Government ministers announce plan to deter immigrants to UK by making it shit
13-year-old boy – Cameron’s policies killed my dad
Government to clamp down on disabled benefit cheats flooding country from tour in Afghanistan
Scandal as Topless and Legless Royalty Denied Benefits by DWP
Toby Young – disabled children should be excluded from schools
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Pingback: ATOS declare Richard III fit for work | Welfare, Disability, Politics and People's Right's | Scoop.it
Reblogged this on kickingthecat.
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LMAO
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rock on dickon
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Haha!
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Atos assessments have been updated. It’s based on presumption. For example whilst they accept ones illness if they put you on medication then its possible you will be fit for work so in this case if someone invented a time machine and went back to the moment before Richard was killed then he would be fit for work. Which is rubbish as kings never did any work. They got others to do that.
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Oh by the way you know the story that says Henry was a bastard cos his real dad was an archer. That means that if you follow Richards line of succession then we wouldn’t have the tudor dynasty and queen lizzy today wouldn’t exist. In fact we would have a king Michael.
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He could find work as a model for medical students.
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Pretending to be a hunchback is not going to get him off lightly from the clutches of the DWP.
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I wonder how he’ll explain his 550 year period of unemployment while skulking underground on his CV?
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“A toss! A toss! My kingdom for Atos!”
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🙂
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The rumours that he couldn’t give ATOS, because of his withered arm, have now been proven to be a royalist attempt to deceive the British public. 😉
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But he has been working – as a car park attendant 😉
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Pingback: ATOS declare Richard III fit for work | Loony Lefty
Thanks for the laugh! From your Canadian supporters…
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I do think that it is very disrespectful to have buried him under a car park though. They could have done in a park or sumpfink!
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It was. true his horse was killed but rathder than call out for another one to gallop away he would have been more likely to have fought on. Shakespear didn’t quite tell the truth about him . And will wouldn’t have upset queen Elizabeth ( a tudor) because she was the one who kept the playhouses open.
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Richards remains could have been flushed down the toilet.
What’s that cockney rhyming slang ‘Richard the third’ …
http://uk.news.yahoo.com/richard-third-remains-almost-destroyed-by-toilet-leicester-car-park-154414190.html#pXdEfxD
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I’m not surprised; he’s not dead, just lll.
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” You were heard to say ‘A horse! a horse! my kingdom for a horse !” from which we can deduce that a) you can ride a horse, so are clearly not disabled and b) have a ‘kingdom’ which we really must assume has a financial value of more than £16 k so clearly lifting you above the threshold of eligibility for benefits entitlement I have no choice Mr Plantagenet but to suspend your benefits immediately pending a review “
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Well, look on the bright side – taking the salute at the Trooping of the Colour – you don’t even have to salute back. Just sit there and listen to music. Though the sight of all those horses might be a bit galling, come to think of it.
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I must say you have really made my day with these comments,i can,t stop laughing…(never seems to be a lot to laugh about these days)ALL VERY WITTY..much appreciated.
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You need to learn to make use of natural supports. Really, not everyone you ever knew is dead. I think that’s an exaggeration.
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Faf!
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Maybe he can get a job at Tesco since he’s looking for a horse……
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Ha ha!
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The good thing about being a medieval king is he can cut off their heads.
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I heard he was run over in the car park by a Ford Ka but went underground to avoid the embarrassment.
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Jimmy please give me a link to you as I have spread your wonderful comment but can’t link to a website…and it was SO witty and funny!
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Being dead and decomposed with a hideously twisted spine and severe battle injuries is no excuse for sitting around all day living the high life on “Taxpayers’s Money” ™. Throw this malingering scrounger off his benefits and make him graft like our MPs do ..
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Reblogged this on Brendan Ball's Blog and commented:
After Richard the Third was found earlier today!
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” You were heard to say ‘A horse! a horse! my kingdom for a horse !” from which we can deduce that a) you can ride a horse, so, not withstanding your club foot and deformed spine, you are obviously not disabled for the purposes of entitlement to claim DLA and b) you have a ‘kingdom’ which we really must, in the circumstances, assume has a financial value of more than £16 k so clearly lifting you above the threshold of eligibility for benefits entitlement, my hands are tied, I have no choice Mr Plantagenet but to suspend your benefits immediately pending a case review of your entire claim, I have to inform you also that Tower Hamlets Child Protection Services are currently investigating the situation with regard to your nephews and their alleged occupancy of the property referred to on your claim as ‘The Tower’ until such time as that investigation is concluded we are unable to reach a decision with regard to either your housing benefit claim or the issuing of tax credits to you Mr Plantagenet.”………………… just seems a pity too, filling that hole in just when Thatcher is on the verge of snuffing it, what more fitting final resting place for that bitch could there be than being the foundations of a public shit house in a car park in Leicester……………..I am a Facebook friend of Tom Pride’s ‘James Reeve’ send me a request ‘compostwoman’……….as for credit, heck its TP’s blog in the words of Superman ” don’t thank me, thank the planned economy Ma’am”
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Pingback: WorkCover says Mr Plantagenet fit for work | David Shoebridge MLC
As Tebbit would have said: “Get on your horse and look for work”
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Shiva – great minds think alike. You’ve just preempted my next blog post!
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I just assumed he was on the Work Programme and had been ‘parked’ 🙂 There’s probably a few more in there too if they look!
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Pingback: Norman Tebbit tells jobless Plantagenet Kings to “get on their horses” and look for work « Pride's Purge
Someone has listed this as “satire”. If only it was…
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Reblogged this on Dawn Willis sharing the News & Views of the Mentally Wealthy and commented:
Lol
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It’s official, Richard III didn’t die in battle, he died of the exertions of dogging in a Leicester car park. And ATOS still say he’s fit for work!
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Tell him to appeal !!!
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Failure to file tax returns showing royalty income from plays and films based on his life could cost trillions in fines.
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He can just claim he was a resting actor.
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Reblogged this on Ned Hamson Second Line View of the News and commented:
Always figure Richard 3rd was a bit of a lay-about – grin.
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Great take on ol Richard. I’m doing one tomorrow 2/13 if you’d like to view it misfit120.wordpress.com
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Pingback: 5th February 2013 | The Daily Cameron
Reblogged this on Insight: A blog by Kat Cormack and commented:
Excellent!
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Being classified as fit to work, Richard Plantagenet is now classified as self-employed, adding one to the number employed according to the Office for National Statistics
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Reblogged this on HUMAN RIGHTS & POLITICAL JOURNAL.
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Pingback: Richard III: Fit For Work Joke Made At PMQ’s « Same Difference
He can just go & get stuffed if you ask me
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Wasn’t Richard working at the Leicester branch of Milletts?”Now is the hour of our discount tents!”
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That should have read “winter of our discount tents!” But the way that shops seem to be going into liquidation every week I might have been right the first time!!
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A bit of a cheap shot and it’s NOT funny.
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Pingback: Atos/DWP have driven people to self harm themselves in dramatic | Atos Victims Group News
Half Time Score:
Atos 30 NHS 1,200
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Tom: your comments don’t appear to be working..
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I had a brilliant one on the go a little before: it promised me on here it would post it if I only signed in (well I am a member of wordpress): then it didn’t do it, claiming “no access” to the comments php page – bit like a 404 error! It did this twice! NOW ITS LOST MY COMMENT AND I CAN’T COPY AND PASTE..
Sigh. Shall I try again?
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And he would be as big a bastard as the rest of them.
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MPs graft? Oh yes, as in corruption, bribery, subornation, dishonesty, fraud, palm-greasing, hushmoney, kickbacks Etc, Etc. Oh, yes, our MPs graft all right.
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He doesn’t appeal to me.
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Don’t worry about it, them buggers never paid a penny in tax in their lives.
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He’s just been on the phone, he says don’t he wish?
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It was in the high status bit of a church serving the Grey Friars monastery when he was buried. It took few centuries to tun into not just A car park but a Social Services car park. Social workers have been parking on him for decades now. Maybe it was secret Atos staff training.
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Reblogged this on Ufohunterorguk.com.
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PS
The dead monarch, Richard Plantagenet as now been hit by a second bombshell when it was realised by his beloved Government that being as he was being reburied he obviously had now a second resting place so was being hit by the Bedroom Tax for having a spare resting place.
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Milletts
M = Masons
LL = Masons two Johns
TT = Tau as on masonic police vans etc
“The Tau cross is also a symbol of the male or creative side of the deity, and is really a conventionalized form of the phallus.” -Freemasonry and the Ancient Gods by J.S. Ward
Top Mason Crowley used an inverted Tau on the cover of his book Magick, which was “regarded in serious occult circles as a book of ultimate authority on sexual magic.
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I’m wondering what fabulous and appropriate employment opportunities will be made available for King (former) Richard the III. The oppression and exploitation of the poor may well be admirable skills in today’s dynamic economy but I fear all positions for that particular skill set are currently filled.
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We should be allowed to vote for kings and queens
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Shakespear wrote him up as a bad dude because of queen lizzy 1st..she kept the playhouses open and he wasnt going to piss her off by challenging her lineage
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