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(satire – I think)

THE RSPCA has launched an investigation into accusations that David Cameron has cold-bloodedly and deliberately caused a dead cat to bounce in opinion polls after he gave his EU speech promising a referendum last week.

The latest accusations come after it was revealed the Prime Minister has previously been accused of causing the bouncing of dead cats in opinion polls on several occasions before – including one lasting as long as a week after he vetoed EU negotiations late last year.

RSPCA inspectors are also said to be investigating suspicions that the Prime Minister is responsible for the relentless and brutal flogging of several dead horses, including one relating to clearing up the mess left behind by Labour, another related to benefit claimants all being lazy scroungers and a third relating to foreigners from the EU coming over here taking all our jobs in order to live a life of luxury on benefits.

The RSPCA is now appealing for information about the owners of the dead horses – some of which were also said to have been callously flogged under the previous Labour administration.

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