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The chancellor George Osborne has blamed the large amounts of ‘snow’ and chilled champagne which blanketed his brain for much of his early life for pushing the UK economy into an unprecedented triple-dip recession.

With the icy blast of government policy showing no immediate signs of letting up, and some ministers not expected to see common sense again until well after the next election, the amount of devil’s dandruff which has reportedly gone up the chancellor’s nose has fuelled concerns by economists that official figures out this week will show that Mr Osborne’s ability to tell his arse from his elbow will have fallen to its lowest level since the coalition came to power

Now analysts fear the chancellor’s preference for reportedly spending some of his student days snorting lines of gutter dust off the thighs of prostitutes could lead to another quarter of contraction, plunging the UK into its third recession in four years.

However, some experts disagree with the analysis, saying the UK’s descent into a triple-dip recession is entirely due to the chancellor not really giving a f**k.


Related articles by Tom Pride:

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More People Believe In The Loch Ness Monster Than In Osborne’s Ability To Run Economy

UK suffers worst double-dipstick chancellor in 50 years

Did you know the name Gideon is Hebrew for ‘Destroyer’. Really.

George Osborne Is Not A Wanker – He’s A Genius!

Countdown – red faces as contestant spells out naughty word from OBSOREN

ONS Figures – Osborne’s inflated claims reach new 3 year high

Loss-Making Osborne To Be Sold Off to US Conglomerate


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