(satire – probably)
Ronseal – the makers of wood stains and preservatives – has complained to the Advertising Standards Authority after a leading UK politician compared its products to a toxic, slippery coalition which can be fatal even in small doses.
The UK manufacturer made the complaint after a senior Conservative politician, Mr David Cameron, claimed at a press conference on Monday that Ronseal products were similar to a poisonous sludge he was using to whitewash and cover-up bad smells and stains known as ‘Coalition Politics’.
A spokesperson for Ronseal explained the reasons behind the complaint:
We know that some of our products can have a bit of a strong smell sometimes and shouldn’t be inhaled or imbibed in large amounts but it’s nothing compared to this coalition which stinks to high Heaven and has been proven to be toxic in even tiny doses.
However, Mr Cameron refuted the allegations. In a statement he said:
We’re using the coalition mainly for self-preservation so we’re doing pretty much what it says on the tin, aren’t we?
Related articles by Tom Pride:
Charade-Gate scandal – coalition conflict escalates as Clegg accuses Cameron of cheating at charades
Discounting boosts seasonal Lib Dem sell-out with massive savings on its scruples, pledges and core beliefs
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