(satire – I think)
December saw record Liberal Democrat sales of its core beliefs as the party offered massive discounts on its basic principles, with prices as much as 50% lower across the party for its scruples, integrity and ethics.
Trading this year was the toughest in almost 40 years for the party, according to the Liberal Democrat chief executive, Nick Clegg, as its ministers battled to lure customers in with discounts of 50% on sales of its morals to the highest bidder and more.
The Liberal Democrat leadership ran clear-outs of its basic principles for two extra days this year – cutting prices on its morality by 25% across the party and by 50% on some of its pledges and policy lines – leading to its highest ever seasonal sell-out.
Like-for-like sales of Lib Dem basic morality in the five weeks to 5 January jumped 5%, but at the cost of some profit. Clegg contradicted his high-street rival UKIP boss Nigel Farage’s claim that discounting of Liberal Democrat integrity had been lower this year, saying that was “factually incorrect”.
“UKIP need to get out a bit more,” Clegg said. “I know that high street promotions by third parties are getting more and more competitive but it’s quite clear that for a complete bargain basement sell-out of core principles and consistently rock-bottom sales of scruples and integrity – the Liberal Democrat Party can never be beaten.”
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