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(satire – probably)

A renewed demand by Argentina’s President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner for Britian to hand over the creator of ‘Evita Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber to them so he can be punished for allowing Madonna to play the role of Eva Peron in the film version of the musical, elicited a defiant response from the UK government, with David Cameron vowing to do everything he could to protect the British composer‘s desire not to have to face the music from his own crap shows.

The populist Argentinian president made her latest intervention over the musical, 30 years after she said the Argentine political leader Eva Peron was “forcibly stripped” from her country and taken over by a British task force of dancers, singers and actors in orange make-up led by Lloyd Webber.

In a caustic letter to Cameron – which was also published as an advert in the Guardian and the Independent on Thursday – Ms Kirchner accused the British government of “musical colonialism” and Lloyd Webber of forcibly populating Argentinian historical icon Eva Peron with sentimental songs sung by overacting, English singers who attended stage schools in places like Barnet.

But Cameron rejected Fernández’s call to restore Evita’s “historical integrity” saying the second wife of legendary Argentinian President Juan Perón, first lady and spiritual leader of the nation of Argentina had voluntarily chosen to remain a tired, clapped-out British West End musical performed mainly for fat American tourists by third-rate cruise-ship cabaret artists in sequinned monstrosities who insist on suddenly bursting into song in bad foreign accents.

The Foreign Office said there could be no negotiations on the sovereignty of Sir Andrew “unless and until such time as the Argentinians agree to take Gary Barlow and Cliff Richard off our hands too”.

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Related articles by Tom Pride:

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West Mulls Military Strikes Against IKEA

PM Finally Deals With Financial Crisis By Announcing Clampdown On Excessive Indian Dancing

Queen Hits Out At Cruel Tyrants By Inviting Them For Lunch

China – Happy To Help Out Struggling Developing Countries Like Britain

Theresa May Accused Of Relaxing Border Checks For Chinese Immigrants Tian Tian and Yang Guang

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