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(satire)

Another wet and pointless week could mark the end of one of the wettest politicians in Britain, with no respite expected for the UK from the saturated deputy prime minister.

More heavy downpours of irrelevance are forecast from the leader of the Liberal Democrats on Thursday and Friday as fresh bands of his triviality threaten to flood the headlines, followed by a storm in a teacup this weekend.

Deep drifts of Liberal Democrat pointlessness will also affect the north and the south of England on Thursday, with Scotland receiving a few centimetres of Clegg’s superfluousness already.

Although experts say some sunshine will break through after the weekend when no mention of Mr Clegg in the press is expected, intermittent showers of his ineptitude will plague Britain until well into the new year.

It brings continued misery to the south-west, which has seen the worst of the flooding of ineffectiveness in recent days with Mr Clegg still subject to a Met Office severe big drip warning.

A storm brewing over Europe could bring up to 50mm of wet conditions demanded by Mr Clegg’s party with large amounts of damp, hot air expected to be produced by Liberal Democrat ministers in the next few weeks over the issue.

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