, , , ,

(satire – maybe)

Tensions between Tory and Liberal Democrat cabinet coalition partners are rising amid reports that Prime Minister David Cameron has rejected a Liberal Democrat demand to distribute the most popular Quality Streets equally between the two parties.

The conflict arose after the Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg complained that he had not been able to get even one gold-wrapped chocolate toffee finger from a box of Quality Street which had been made available to ministers during a post-Christmas cabinet meeting at Downing Street yesterday.

Tensions rose further after an awkward moment when the Liberal Democrat members of the cabinet gave their Tory counterparts presents and they discovered their coalition allies had not bothered to get them any presents in return.

Reports that George Osborne had secretly sought out and scoffed all the milk chocolate hazelnuts with caramel before the meeting had even started could not be confirmed but pundits believe it is unlikely he had discussed the distribution of the purple-wrapped chocolates with Liberal Democrat Danny Alexander – despite his pivotal role as Chief Secretary to the Treasury.

However, in a statement a spokeesperson for Mr Clegg sought to play down reports of cabinet tensions:

Obviously the Deputy Prime Minister would have preferred to eat all the chocolate toffee fingers himself but he recognises that coalition politics means having to compromise sometimes.

Mind you, after spending hours shopping for several sets of blue and red striped socks and matching ties for his cabinet colleagues, it would have been nice to get something in return but he understands that being the junior partner makes it difficult to get everything you want.

In a related development, the Financial Times reports that the Liberal Democrat energy secretary Ed Davey has written to Mr Cameron urging him to take action against John Hayes after the Tory energy minister was accused of cheating during a game of charades towards the end of the meeting.

The newspaper says that Cameron had made it clear that he has no intention of rebuking Mr Hayes, who he said won the game ‘fair and square’ with an excellent mime of Moby Dick.

In a further sign the Prime Minister is in no mood to back down to his coalition partners on matters of policy, he in turn accused his Liberal Democrat counterparts of “escalating coalition tension” by hogging the TV remote control and refusing to do the washing-up even though it was clearly laid out in the coalition agreement that as junior partners, serving coffee and biscuits and clearing them away after meetings was their sole responsibility.


Related articles by Tom Pride:

More Wet Downpours of Triviality Forecast from Nick Clegg to End 2012

Minimum price plan to end cheap sales of Lib Dem MPs

Nick Clegg Hails 2012 ‘Breakthrough Year’ As Party Skates On Thin Ice

Clegg warns Tories not to pull UK out of Europe with a tow rope attached to a giant turtle

Benefit Cuts Likely To Lead To Higher Unemployment of LibDem MPs says Sarah Teather

Nick Clegg to Lib Dems – “Prepare for Oppositionment!”

Lord Ashdown to Lib Dems – Prepare for well-hung government!

Sheffield man left with nothing after falling victim to Westminster conmen

Coalition split after Tory minister says UK ‘peppered’ with too many wind-powered Lib Dem MPs

Liverpool FC owners cool interest in Nick Clegg

Despite his lack of relevance, Nick Clegg is likely to have attended sensitive meetings, No 10 admits

Lib Dems Hail ‘Sensational Victory’ In Bradford West By-Election

Previously Unknown ‘Liberal Democratic’ Party Makes Breakthrough In Feltham Byelection

Liberal Democrats Threaten To Become Very Cross Over EU Veto

Nick Clegg announces £126m scheme to encourage employers to take on unemployed Lib Dem politicians after next election

Lib’ Dem’s Win Major Concessions From Tories Over NHS Bill Punctuation


Please feel free to comment – you don’t need to register and I’m extremely minimal with the moderating – so please go ahead.


By the way, if you click on any of these buttons below, you’ll be doing me a favour by sharing this article with other people. Thanks: