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(satire – I think)

Poll shows 76% are against moves to make Jeremy Hunt legal, rising to 81% for Michael Gove

Public opinion remains firmly against the return of annoying Tory MPs such as ex-Defence Secretary Liam Fox and still remain firmly opposed to other irritating Tories such as Jeremy Hunt and Michael Gove, according to a survey on Boxing Day.

However, polling by Ipsos Mori shows signs of opinion shifting to allow hunting of the most irritating Tories in order to ensure proper control of persistent pests such as Theresa May or Iain Duncan-Smith.

The survey found that 76% think that Jeremy Hunt is cruel, rising to 81% for ex-defence minister Liam Fox and 83% for Michael Gove, based on a survey of 1,943 people.

Hunt supporters have responded to the survey by insisting cruel ministers such as the Health Secretary are essential to control populations of pests such as the disabled and unemployed – most of whom blight countryside areas by refusing to vote Conservative.

However, opponents of Hunt say experience shows the best way of controlling irritating Tories is by feeding them large amounts of camel’s testicles and ostrich’s anuses – both of which have proven in the past to be irresistible to the most annoying Tory MPs.


Related articles by Tom Pride:

England’s human wildlife faces tragedy as worst moral drought in 30 years hits habitats

Severe conditions alert for UK as cold front of austerity paralyses the country

Wildlife and farming disaster warning as incompetence spreads across England

Liam Fox is not gay

Full-scale codger cull set to get government go-ahead

Relief across UK as floods move northwards to more unimportant parts of the country

Cameron – Adam Werritty Does Not Exist


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