(satire – probably)
The Liberal Democrats are celebrating an extraordinary year under Nick Clegg’s leadership in which they finally managed to break out of their traditional position as the UK’s third largest party to become the country’s 4th or even 5th largest party instead.
In a seasonal message to the party faithful, Nick Clegg said:
This has been a fantastic year for our party when – after many years of skating on thin ice going nowhere – the Liberal Democrats are finally on the brink of an historic breakthrough into the cold dark depths of political oblivion below
In his triumphant message, Mr Clegg also listed the successes the party has achieved in the past two years under his leadership. They include:
- Getting very cross about the Prime Minister’s EU veto
- Winning major concessions from the Tories over inappropriate use of commas and punctuation in the coalition NHS bill
- Making university fees more affordable to the poorest students by tripling them
- Not wavering in their commitment to sell their souls, their electorate and everything they’ve ever believed in just for the sake of a chauffeur-driven car
In reply to the Deputy Prime Minister’s statement, a party communique representing Liberal Democrat grass roots opinion expressed their gratitude to Mr Clegg for turning their once well-liked party with a proud history of honourable and principled service to the country into the most reviled bunch of turncoats the nation has ever seen by saying:
“Thanks a bunch, Nick!”
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