(satire – I think)
Relations between the Conservative party and the police were threatening to erupt into open warfare after friends of former Andrew Mitchell claimed there was now evidence suggesting that elements within the Metropolitan Police may have colluded to corroborate the details of the Plebgate incident which triggered the former chief whip’s resignation by stitching up the old lag with a crooked slum.
In a statement, Mr Mitchell said:
Honest gov’, I aint done nothing wrong. Two months ago after being down the boozer all day, I was going home, when as I got to Downing-gate, the Old Bill gone an’ stitched me up good and proper like.
They was well keen to dip me in the river, you know what I’m saying?
David Cameron also accused police officers of trying to “blacken” Mitchell’s name by drawing up an allegedly false account of the confrontation and the prime minister warned other police officers involved that they could well be heading towards an introduction to his two friends Mr and Mrs Pain.
In a letter to the Metropolitan Police, the prime minister said:
I aint gonna let you get away with this. So think again bitches!
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Related articles by Tom Pride:
International Cycling Union in fight for credibility after damaging Andrew Mitchell dope affair
Andrew Mitchell sacked by PM for splitting an infinitive at police officers
City centres turned into no-go areas by gangs of troublesome Tory MPs say police
Cycling dope scandal: cyclist Andrew Mitchell admits to regularly being one
Tory Modernisers Vow To Drag Party Into 19th Century
Genealogists Confirm David Cameron Is A Bastard
Is Cameron a Secret Stalinist? Or just a Toffee-Nosed Pillock?
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No doubt abat it, Mr Mitchell, gor bless his cycle clips, got done up like a kipper an’ no mistake.
Everyone knows what a totally spiffin’ toff he is, and so kind to those who are his inferiors, even when ‘e said “I thought you were effing supposed to help’us” – ‘e’s a top notch geezer and we are bloomin’ lucky to ‘ave ‘im.
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Thing is.. whether he said ‘plebs’ out aloud or not … we all know that its what the Cabinet are thinking 🙂
Anyway, its all a brilliant way to distract the mainstream media away from Pickles’ latest attack on local authority funding. It seems that Mr P thinks that the 28% cut can be sorted by serving coffee in libraries. Bit of a conundrum … how many libraries do we still have?
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Tories lower than vermin-or how to ptofit from the poverty you created.
http://www.opendemocracy.net/ourkingdom/mel-kelly/well-trousered-philanthropists-tory-party-chums-and-food-parcels-for-poor
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Just a thought – is Mr Mitchell going to sue all twitterers for trending his name over plebgate? After all, he was wrongly accused . . .
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Being
Wrongly accused seems to be the latest dance craze.. Does that that include jobseekers and unemployed being wrongly accused as scroungers and tory mps being wrongly accused of being useful members of soceity..
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Can I nominate this post and the comments following it as the funniest news article of 2012?
The link in the comment above about the link between the Tories-mates-run food-parcel charities and the massive decrease in awarded crisis loans is seriously, seriously disturbing.
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