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(satire – I think)

Relations between the Conservative party and the police were threatening to erupt into open warfare after friends of former Andrew Mitchell claimed there was now evidence suggesting that elements within the Metropolitan Police may have colluded to corroborate the details of the Plebgate incident which triggered the former chief whip’s resignation by stitching up the old lag with a crooked slum.

In a statement, Mr Mitchell said:

Honest gov’, I aint done nothing wrong. Two months ago after being down the boozer all day, I was going home, when as I got to Downing-gate, the Old Bill gone an’ stitched me up good and proper like.

They was well keen to dip me in the river, you know what I’m saying?

David Cameron also accused police officers of trying to “blacken” Mitchell’s name by drawing up an allegedly false account of the confrontation and the prime minister warned other police officers involved that they could well be heading towards an introduction to his two friends Mr and Mrs Pain.

In a letter to the Metropolitan Police, the prime minister said:

I aint gonna let you get away with this. So think again bitches!


Related articles by Tom Pride:

International Cycling Union in fight for credibility after damaging Andrew Mitchell dope affair

Andrew Mitchell sacked by PM for splitting an infinitive at police officers

City centres turned into no-go areas by gangs of troublesome Tory MPs say police

Cycling dope scandal: cyclist Andrew Mitchell admits to regularly being one

Tory Modernisers Vow To Drag Party Into 19th Century

Genealogists Confirm David Cameron Is A Bastard

Is Cameron a Secret Stalinist? Or just a Toffee-Nosed Pillock?


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