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(satire – probably)
The business secretary, Vince Cable, has ordered an inquiry into the collapse of high street electricals chain Comet after surprise reports that the failure could have been due to people not having enough money to buy new TVs or laptops.
The Department for Business, Innovation and Skills (Bis) confirmed that the Insolvency Service has launched a “fact-finding” inquiry into the failure of large numbers of the public to spend money they don’t have on electrical goods they can’t afford:
The purpose of the inquiry is to investigate the circumstances surrounding the insolvency of the high street chain and establish whether further action is required by the government to force people into buying a new telly or laptop even if they don’t need one and don’t have the money to buy one.
The inquiry – which is being conducted under section 447 of the Companies Act – is expected to focus on why parents seem to prefer to spend money on food to feed their children instead of buying them things like iPads and games consoles instead.
Several electrical retail experts have pointed out that the cause of the collapse could be traced to Comet’s failure – along with several other struggling electrical high street chains – to make inroads into the strategically important edible tablet computer and digestible flatscreen markets.
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Pride's Purge 
I have bought my childred I-pads, laptops, HD tellies for Crimbo, I bought the ball and chain a 3 leather sofa, 2 seater sofa and a recliner chair (she’s a martyr to her varicous veins, I think she draws them on with a felt tip pen so she can wave the victim card) and a kindle. The whole lot is going on the woodburner as soon as the beast from the east finally arrives. I wouldn’t have bought the kindle but they say you need kindle to get fire going.
Personally I believe the weather front that is allegedly heading towards Britain is a smoke and mirror trick to divert attention away from the fact that millions of Bulgarians and Romanians will be popping over to blighty working for minimim wage, bashing benefits and buying tellies from electrical retail parks and then dissapearin into thin air, no wonder they go bust.
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Mini ipads seem to sell well. Almost as well as nappy pads.
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Is this hate cable week? He supported TFS
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Meanwhile on a different planet.
Capt Zorb was trying to decode the latest news from the telegraph.
“Rising numbers of children are going to school hungry due to a lack of money and interest from parents in providing a decent breakfast, research suggests.
Rising numbers of children are going to school hungry due to a lack of money and interest from parents in providing a decent breakfast, research suggests.
Four in five teachers (79 per cent) claim that their pupils are turning up for lessons hungry, with more than half (55 per cent) saying the numbers have increased in the past year, according to a report.
Two thirds of 500 teachers surveyed said the main reason that children are arriving unfed is because of apathy by parents, ( LAZY BENEFIT SCROUNGING PARENTS SPENDING THEIR BENEFITS PAID FOR BY HARD WORKING PEOPLES TAXES ) while a similar proportion cited a lack of time at home. (DOWN THE PUB) The survey concludes that financial hardship is also an issue, with 57 per cent of teachers (TROTSKYITES INDOCTRINATING CHILDREN INTO BECOMING HOMOSEXUALS AS IF WERE ‘NORMAL, BLOODY HELL THEY WANT TO GET MARRIED NEXT ! ) (you’re fired-ed) suggesting a lack of money is to blame for pupils going to school hungry.( MONEY WASTED ON LEFT WING CAUSES)
Nearly a third (31 per cent) of the teachers questioned said they take food into school to give to pupils, (IN RETURN FOR SEX I SHOULDN’T WONDER BLOODY PERVERTS) ( you’re still fired-ed) with 16 per cent of primary teachers saying they spend up to £24.99 a month feeding youngsters. ( MIDDLE CLASS ANTI CAPITALIST NONSENSE .BURGER KING NOT GOOD ENOUGH?)
The report, published to mark the launch of Kellogg’s “help give a child a breakfast” campaign, suggests that breakfast clubs are a cost–effective way to ensure that children eat before lessons.” (SPECIAL DISCOUNT ON LARGE SIZE PACKS ALL THIS WEEK) ( ok you’re re hired-ed).
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Confessions of a insomniac writes ” During my many and various night time perambulations I often see lying on the pavement an assortment of betting shop pens. I first noticed them when I accidently locked myself out of my ground floor flat due to the misunderstanding I had with Mrs Hatchet over the mysterious loss of her underwear.
It all started when one september morning when I was having a cup of tea and I started to wonder about the many types of writing implements there are.
So upon my discovery of these item. I kept seeing I decided to carry notebook and write down the details of everyone one I found.
The size , colour and whether they were still functionable I recorded using a column and chart method I devised some time ago.
At present I have a record of some 474 different types of pen.
I will keep you all posted on my progress.
Bye for now. Ken.
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As a retail consultant of some 25 years standing, I looked at Comet three years ago and Mr Cable doesn’t need an enquiry to show the reasons why Comet failed, it’s really very simple:
1. The Internet – buying brown and white goods is commoditised on price. Comet did not price competitively apart from limited deals on very few lines.
2. Little investment in stores or staff – shopping experience was poor
3. Recession (duh!) non essential purchases are delayed
5. Supermarkets expansion into their product area with deep discounts
That’s it! Wonder how much I could have saved our Vince?!
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At last, Thanks Scarlet – the voice of logic & reason
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The reason politicians are worried over the slowdown in tv sales is because this impacts further brainwashing of the great unwashed. What is the point of having masses of people preferring to eat and survive rather than be sat in front of “reality” tv shows and using their democratic right to vote celebrities off.
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He should pay you the few million he’s no doubt going to waste on the enquiry.
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Sorry but when you have the likes of non tax paying amazon up against high street retailers its hardly a level playing field is it?
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Oh its that ‘flat screen as wide as the sky ‘ thing that the feckless and idle are stuck in front of instead of 24/7 hunting for non existing jobs whilst shelf stacking in poundland in order to get that ‘dignity at work’ blue peter badge.
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Am I psychic or what?
Latest thing, tory mp suggests using special dmart cards for benefit claimants only to be used on essentials
But he had this to say.
““Even if this Bill creates the slightest chance of raising these children out of poverty, reducing the chances of them going to school hungry or simply being subjected to secondary inhalation of smoke, then I would argue it is worth it,” he said.
Well, how odd is that? So its a jolly good thing ( the think tank is funded by mastercard)
And its too do with children going hungry cos of ‘parent apathy’..
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I just saw this:
Connecticut branch of National Rifle Association
Friends of NRA
“Upcoming Events- No Upcoming Events”
I wonder why?
http://www.friendsofnra.org/StateHome.aspx?sid=7
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This is
From Connecticut NRA ILA
Institute of legislative authirity?
As of August this year:
““ASSAULT WEAPONS”
No person shall possess any “assault weapon” unless that person possessed that firearm before October 1, 1993 and received a certificate of possession from the Connecticut State Police prior to July 1994. The commissioner of public safety shall maintain a file of all certificates of transfer at the central office. READ ALL
MACHINE GUNS
It is lawful to possess a machine gun in compliance with federal law, provided annual registration takes place with the state police. A machine gun is any weapon designed or readily restored to shoot automatically more than one projectile, without manual reloading, by a single function of the trigger. It also includes parts designed to convert a weapon into a machine gun. READ ALL”
Anyone see anything not right here?
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