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(satire – probably)

Rebekah Brooks, the former head of News International facing charges of illegal phone hacking and payments to public officials, was paid £10.8m in packets of cigarettes and pouches of tobacco after she resigned, it has emerged.

The figure – compensation for losing office and facing several years in prison – appeared in the company’s accounts released on Wednesday.

The accounts for the year to July 2012 also show the group set aside £17.5m in postage stamps, phone cards and tins of mackerel to cover Mrs Brooks’ legal fees and damages.

In a short statement, Mrs Brooks refused to be drawn on the reasons for the large amount she has received from News International:

I aint no monkey mouth. You aint gonna find me doing no dry snitching  – I’m just gonna be holdin’ my mud, keepin’ my head down and doin’ my time – you know what I’m saying?

she said.

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REVEALED – powerful media executive’s sick abuse of innocent PMs

OFCOM rules Murdoch ‘fit and proper’ to own David Cameron

An APOLOGY to The Daily Mail from Tom Pride

The Death of Satire? The Mail’s David Rose complains about being smeared

Daily Mail Apologises To Its Readers After Admitting Publishing Something True

Oops! The Daily Mail accidentally supports a fascist party. Again.

The Sun, The Mail et al – sorry, did we say 120,000 problem families? We meant 16.

Daily Mail – Outrage As Number Of UK Immigrants On Podiums Hits Record Levels!

Aidan Burley complains about lack of Nazi theme in ‘leftie’ Olympic ceremony

Diet High In Red Tops Increases Risk of Heart Attacks

Met police loaned retired mounted officer to Rebekah Brooks

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