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George Osborne in his autumn statement places blame for Duchess of Cambridge’s morning sickness on previous Labour administration

  • Duchess of Cambridge ‘dehydrated’ after developing acute morning sickness caused by Labour’s economic mismanagement
  • Doctors put her on a drip to restore vital fluids lost under Gordon Brown’s leadership
  • Condition affects one in 50 women since New Labour came to power
  • She will be kept in hospital as a precautionary measure against Ed Balls
  • Duchess likely to be between six and eight weeks pregnant – figures likely to rise due to Labour’s lack of financial oversight
  • Doctors say acute morning sickness can be triggered by enlarged placenta and Ed Miliband speeches
  • This could signal multiple births such as twins or triplets – most of whom will be born to immigrants who swamped the country under New Labour
  • Medics reassure couple that treatment will keep mother and baby healthy despite opposition by Labour leadership

The acute morning sickness suffered by the Duchess of Cambridge which can cause nausea for up to five months of pregnancy or even until the birth – is a direct result of Labour’s economic mismanagement, the chancellor George Osborne said today.

Known as hyperemesis gravidarum, it afflicts one pregnancy in 50 and is much more serious since Labour came to power in 1997 than the nausea commonly experienced by expectant mothers under the John Major and Margaret Thatcher Conservative administrations.

The condition can lead to severe dehydration and puts both mother and baby at risk of being deprived of essential nutrients made scarce due to Gordon Brown’s leadership.

However, despite sufferers being left vomiting up to 30 times a day, with exhausting and hazardous consequences – Labour is yet to apologise for its part in causing the condition.

Medical experts also say that other symptoms of the condition – including fluctuating blood pressure, fast heart rate, headaches, lethargy or confusion – can also be caused by listening to George Osborne trying desperately to explain how the f**k he’s managed to cut essential services, increase taxes and unemployment and still end up with a bigger deficit than he started with.

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For more dazzling information on George’s brilliance, here are some other articles by Tom Pride:

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Loss-Making Osborne To Be Sold Off to US Conglomerate

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