(satire)
George Osborne in his autumn statement places blame for Duchess of Cambridge’s morning sickness on previous Labour administration
- Duchess of Cambridge ‘dehydrated’ after developing acute morning sickness caused by Labour’s economic mismanagement
- Doctors put her on a drip to restore vital fluids lost under Gordon Brown’s leadership
- Condition affects one in 50 women since New Labour came to power
- She will be kept in hospital as a precautionary measure against Ed Balls
- Duchess likely to be between six and eight weeks pregnant – figures likely to rise due to Labour’s lack of financial oversight
- Doctors say acute morning sickness can be triggered by enlarged placenta and Ed Miliband speeches
- This could signal multiple births such as twins or triplets – most of whom will be born to immigrants who swamped the country under New Labour
- Medics reassure couple that treatment will keep mother and baby healthy despite opposition by Labour leadership
The acute morning sickness suffered by the Duchess of Cambridge which can cause nausea for up to five months of pregnancy or even until the birth – is a direct result of Labour’s economic mismanagement, the chancellor George Osborne said today.
Known as hyperemesis gravidarum, it afflicts one pregnancy in 50 and is much more serious since Labour came to power in 1997 than the nausea commonly experienced by expectant mothers under the John Major and Margaret Thatcher Conservative administrations.
The condition can lead to severe dehydration and puts both mother and baby at risk of being deprived of essential nutrients made scarce due to Gordon Brown’s leadership.
However, despite sufferers being left vomiting up to 30 times a day, with exhausting and hazardous consequences – Labour is yet to apologise for its part in causing the condition.
Medical experts also say that other symptoms of the condition – including fluctuating blood pressure, fast heart rate, headaches, lethargy or confusion – can also be caused by listening to George Osborne trying desperately to explain how the f**k he’s managed to cut essential services, increase taxes and unemployment and still end up with a bigger deficit than he started with.
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For more dazzling information on George’s brilliance, here are some other articles by Tom Pride:
George Osborne admits recovery taking longer than expected from the effects of his own incompetence
Police called to George Osborne’s home after reports his lights on but nobody at home.
More People Believe In The Loch Ness Monster Than In Osborne’s Ability To Run Economy
UK suffers worst double-dipstick chancellor in 50 years
Did you know the name Gideon is Hebrew for ‘Destroyer’. Really.
George Osborne Is Not A Wanker – He’s A Genius!
Countdown – red faces as contestant spells out naughty word from OBSOREN
ONS Figures – Osborne’s inflated claims reach new 3 year high
Loss-Making Osborne To Be Sold Off to US Conglomerate
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Pride's Purge 
You left out benefit scroungers
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Pingback: MAIL EXCLUSIVE – Kate’s morning sickness due to Gordon Brown’s profligacy | Welfare, Disability, Politics and People's Right's | Scoop.it
Does this difficulty with pregnancy in the case of the elite somewhat cast doubt on the much vaunted superiority of the “chosen to rule”. The theory of evolution may have to be revised in this light. Without present medical advances then the progeny of such would never see the light of day.
I thought that there is a problem of overpopulation (as argued by the population matters patron Sir David Attenborough – http://populationmatters.org/about/our-people/patrons/), therefore in this particular case shouldn’t nature decide?
Perhaps some people are better than others . . .
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And you also left out all those needless hospital buildings, constructed on PFI schemes and generously funded by the banks from purely philanthropic motives.
At least the Duchess of Cambridge had the decency to use a private hospital, thereby reducing the load on the NHS which is stretched beyond capacity treating health tourists from the EU.
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IF this wasnt so funny, it could be true, lol. I really enjoy your posts, brings a ray of sunshine into my life xx
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I said I was going to igore all stuff about the Royal birth to be but I make an execption here; Never fail to make me chuckle Tom, despite my own current bout of depression xx
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They used to test for blue blood to see if you were a true aristo , hence the term blue blood.
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Ah the master race and all that..frau windsor
And that family member and his american wife who met that german bloke with the funny moustache.
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Is that the same as reptilian blood?
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Yes of course, they were reptillian wing of the knights templars of which the leaders were masons from zion who mated with nazi aliens
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