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Householders and businesses across the UK are breathing a collective sigh of relief as the flooding and terrible weather that has caused devastation to much of the South moved northwards into more insignificant areas of the country.

Although the Met Office was expecting 40mm of rain to fall widely, with up to 70mm in some places of the north – the sort of levels that have been causing severe flooding in civilised parts of the country like Cornwall, Devon and Gloucestershire – there was relief that this time it would most likely only affect non-essential people such as northerners and the Welsh.

However, forecasters are warning that people from southern England are not yet off the hook as heavy showers may continue to affect careless drivers from the South who foolishly venture North on business or expeditions of discovery.

A spokesperson for the Met Office said:

Much to our relief, the heaviest and most persistent rain into Monday is luckily only expected to be over parts of northern England and north Wales with up to 70mm of rain in parts of north-east England, continuing the risk of severe flood warnings with possibility of structural damage and risk to life.

However, we shouldn’t be cracking open the champagne just yet at that good news as the bad weather could well move southwards and start affecting more important people in the south again.

The prime minister, David Cameron, has promised to help communities in the most affluent areas in the south-west of England and said the government would provide whatever help was needed to areas with the highest percentage of Conservative voters most badly-affected by flooding.

On Saturday night, a 21-year-old woman died after the tent she was sleeping in was struck by a tree that fell in high winds near Exeter city centre. However – although police have confirmed she was from the south of England – fortunately she is also believed to have been homeless, so nobody needs to give a shit.

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